Kids have not seen their Dad in almost 5 weeks...he asked them last week and they were both busy. Do I wait for him to call and ask again or should I call him and tell him they are not busy?
I need to see if he is still interested in a visitation schedule. The last time I met with him about stuff, I brought it up but that is as far as it got. They had stuff going on and Memorial weekend H was "busy".
I have been totally fine not talking to him so am inclined to just let him call....
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
H has been picking up S14 to take to summer school but has 2 out of 3 times brought OW along (I have refrained from asking about today). H did stop by to see D11 once as it is on his way back from dropping off S14, but only once and that is hurting her feelings.
They would really like to spend time with just him.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW, think about how you would feel if you were in H's position. I know that were I, such a call would make me feel pressured, guilty about not spending enough time with my kids, and controlled by my spouse. Please leave this up to him, and do what you can to help your children accept that their father is going through some difficult times right now. I know it's hard to see them neglected by their father, but you want whatever interaction he has with them to be his choice. Only then can he be fully present with them.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
CW - I think that your kids are old enough to call their dad themselves if they want to re-schedule. They can ask that they want to spend time just with him too. I wouldn't be the middle man it this.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I agree with the others, let him do the calling or the kids one. Don't get in the middle. It's him that is missing out, you are there for them & they see that, he is not.
Yes- your kids are old enough to call him themselves. Oh, but did he ever get back to them when they called last time?
Have you tried some sneaky things like having the kids leave a message that says "hi dad! I can't wait to see you and tell you what happened at my game! Love you! bye!" instead of just "Hi dad. It's me. Call me back!"
I have no idea how they leave a message and it is NOT your kids fault if he doesn't call back, for goodness sake! I am just saying that when I am trying to get my mom to call me back (she is horrible!) I hear back from her faster when I say:
"Hi mom! I can't wait to talk to you-S did the cutest thing and I want to share it with you!"
and here is how I USED to leave messages with her:
"Hi mom, its me. I've been trying to get hold of you. Why haven't you returned my calls? I guess you are busy.I miss you. I'm so worried about you. Please call me so I know you are doing okay. Ok I love you."
I guess a visitation plan in your case does sound controlling. But what about something like the next time you see him, you can ask him "So when are you free to see the kids this month? They have so much fun with you!" and see what he says. Would he be likely to tell you anything or say he needs to get back to you? You could suggest "do you think you could see the kids on _ and_ if you don't have plans yet?"
ok just brainstorming! You know how your H works way better than us!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
CW, I'm with everyone else as far as letting the kids and H figure out visitation. I let my kids handle it with their dad as they are old enough to let him know what their schedules are and to work around that.
