Not all will agree with this, but I will chime in and say that if you are moving in the direction of an intimate relationship with another person, then you really should put the finishing touches to your marriage first.
Your wife boffing another man does not give you some moral high ground to do the same. You either hold a principle on this matter, or you don't. If extramarital sex is ok with you, then there is no reason to be so hung up about what your wife is doing.
You can't have it both ways.
Personally, a four day visit with a man she met specifically to have a sexual relationship with would be MUCH MORE than enough for me to choose to cut her out of my life.
She could not disrespect you more than by doing what she did.
Again, I'm not saying you cannot date or find yourself a successive string of bed partners if that's how you're constructed inside. But if you're going to go that route, do it because that's who you are. Don't do it because it would "serve her right."
And for pete's sake, give her a divorce first.
At the very least you then get to maintain a shred of personal integrity.
Blessings,
Bill
I don't always agree with Mr.Bill but he hit this one clear out of the park and smashed some guys windshield in the parking lot - this advice is bang on, listen to it, commit it to memory, word for word.
My hunch is she's terrified of what your legal moves might be, and is "playing nice" to try and stay on your good side.
Stay distant; limit your contact. Be the first to end conversations, and the one that "has to go" when in-person encounters. "Gotta run -- we'll talk soon" is your mantra right now.
can anyone tell me what standard operating procedure is if your spouse is having a affair and your divorce is not final is it appropriate to contact O M and tell him what is going on and to tell him to back off atleast untill the divorce is final. I understand this will put wife in a tail spin, I'm just not sure what to do please give advice she is planning another trip june 23
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
"My wife is having an affair with someone she works with at the supermarket. She has been at his house a couple times. She comes home late from work sometimes 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. She acts like she hates me and says she wants a divorce. I don't know what to do and my marriage is in shambles. I don't want it to end but at the same time I don't want it to continue like this. What should I do?"
If your best friend said that to you what would you tell him?
my son told me yesterday that his mom broke up with O M and isn't going back to boston, the boy's and I invited there mom over for BBQ and the family spent the day togeather eating and playing baseball, I'm sure everyone was happy for the time, I'm trying not to read anything into it and I don't want to make the same mistake I made before any help out there?
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
wife left again to boston to see this man its taking a huge toll on my son and myself ive tried everything i can think of and all she can say is she doesnt know what she wants she wont tell me if she wants the divorce to continue ive asked several times she just calls it preasure, the deadline is in less then three weeks. I just dont know what else I can do. Can someone please share some words of wisdom.
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
I'm definitely not an expert, but stop going back to her every time she she comes calling. Tell her you don't know if you are interested in this R anymore and that you cannot live with her seeing OM. I couldn't tell from your posts if she has issues with you or not, but if so, accept them, validate her concerns and work to be a better man. If she wants to reconcile, tell her it will take some time and you need to set boundaries and have a transparency plan (thanks puppy). You are not willing to be 2nd best and there can be no more trips to Boston.
I probably am not the best at this, since I am still a newcomer with my own problems, but you have to stand-up for yourself man. Do not let her walk all over you like this. I am in my own situation with at least an EA and possibly a PA after 23 years together. It has been 6 months we have not been right and it is breaking my heart, but at some point, enough is enough.
I recently told her that if she is not willing to work on the R, then there is nothing else I can do but give her the D she has filed for. It is not what I want, but it is what I have to live with. Tell her if she wants to continue with OM, you will be done with this R and filing for D. I know that is harder than anything you have ever done in your life, but it is the only way out. How long has this been going on? It is time to do what is best for you and the answer is not always obvious. It is time to live life for yourself and for your son. Focus on that relationship and be the best man that you can.
Maybe puppy or DDay can help you more. I am still a rookie and hesitant to give too much advice.
