Thank you for the entertainment, Red! I just checked out the site and was surprised by the coincidence of the horoscope for yesterday and today.
So, with money burning a hole in my pocket, I purchased an outlook and will look forward to seeing if things follow accordingly! In a nutshell, things are looking good for me through June, in July an outcome will finally be achieved that I had been waiting for, and in August and September I need to hang in there but it will all be worth it!
WHat's funny is that I am self imposing a deadline for filing for divorce in July. Of course it is obvious to see how it applies to reconciliation but I can see this still "coming true" for divorce being the outcome-I plan to have a fun time for the rest of June and then divorce could take place during the summer and I hang in there and come out having survived! I don't know how the horoscope knew my big decision was happening in July... trippy! So thanks for sharing that source of fun!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Oh, Red... Re: your post at #2000560 - 05/11/10 12:08 PM
I've had the same thing happening with me. His male friends in town try to avoid me, then when they realize there's no way to, they say things like "I haven't seen him" or "Sorry to hear about you and [your husband], but at least there's no other woman." To the latter, I responded that the neighbors and taxi drivers had already told me before my husband finally admitted to the bimbo, to which said idiot (who was my friend first, for almost 15 years!) replied, "I told her not to give up her place in Bad Kohlgrub!" [Nearby town.] I don't know how or why *I* have become the villain of the piece to his friends, either, though I suspect my husband's guru, the misogynistic retired ski bum, has had something to do with it...
I'm so sorry to hear what's been going on. You offered me such kind and wise advice. I wish I could come up with something useful for you. Are there any jobs that you could get at the university that you would enjoy and might have a future for you? One of my girlfriends at Harvard not only got a great job there when her creep of a husband cheated on her with a grad student but then got to use her reduced rate fees to get a degree in a field she loved. She stayed married longer to the putz than she wanted to but at least got that out of their relationship. Are you still hoping to save the marriage? I know it's hard to give up hope when you remember the good years....
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
Yes, I'm still trying hard to save the marriage, but still have good days and bad days. When he acts like his old self, I think, "We're almost there!" Then he'll doing something stupid and I'll think, "I'm outta here. NEXT!"
One thought: could it be that WH has been hitting on the grad student, who THOUGHT she could manage the situation to her advantage and really DIDN'T sleep with him? And now it's all getting out of control for her?
I know from my own and friends' experiences in both academic settings and the military that when a boss hits on a younger woman, sometimes she "makes nice" but controls the situation as best as she can and doesn't let anything happen, knowing it's a short-term situation she has to get through and not wanting to risk losing support from the authority figure who is looking out for her. Sometimes saying no only makes the man more determined and more likely to try to be her Knight in Shining Armor (you said she wasn't doing well before he becamse her mentor?) Could he actually be chasing after a woman who is really, in fact, using him? It could even be that she's a "nice girl" who feels trapped and knows she's leaving soon. Not SURE this is the case, of course, but thinking back on my life and the lives of some of my friends over the years at university and in the Pentagon... This sort of thing DOES happen.
If so, he's going to be pretty upset when she backs way off after graduation to get away from him when she doesn't need him anymore. Sure, she'll be polite enough to get recommendations, but as she gets established and gets her first job, she will probably want to get on with her life with a younger guy without the baggage of kids and an (understandably upset) ex-wife.
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
Sometimes saying no only makes the man more determined and more likely to try to be her Knight in Shining Armor (you said she wasn't doing well before he becamse her mentor?) Could he actually be chasing after a woman who is really, in fact, using him? It could even be that she's a "nice girl" who feels trapped and knows she's leaving soon. Not SURE this is the case, of course, but thinking back on my life and the lives of some of my friends over the years at university and in the Pentagon... This sort of thing DOES happen.
I know for a FACT she's using him (proof in a moment), but he refuses to see it. She is NOT a nice girl - she's a self-absorbed little b*tch who steam rolls over anyone who gets in her way. I sent her a nasty email in March. Did she die of embarrassment and apologize? No! She had me arrested for harassment! What kind of 20-something even THINKS to do that?!
Originally Posted By: MarieC
If so, he's going to be pretty upset when she backs way off after graduation to get away from him when she doesn't need him anymore.
My lawyer sent me a copy of the police report. In it, she said that my WH wants their relationship to be physical, but she has "kept it professional" (while still accepting the lingerie and underwear WH sent her from Victoria's Secret, mind you). She also said point-blank that she has NO plans for a relationship with WH regardless of his marital status.
I haven't shown him that report. I think he'll either accuse me of forging it or bend over backwards to change her mind. Once this is all over and done with, though, I may show it to him and say, "See?! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!" (I know - not nice. But I'm not feeling particularly magnanimous at the moment...)
Quick question for anyone who has experience with this:
We're making really good progress in some areas, but the one place that it's still not happening is in reporting.
Since starting the 180, he doesn't tell me when he's coming home for dinner, what nights he has meetings, when he has something scheduled, etc. Last night he went out of town and didn't bother to call or text to let me know he made it. ALWAYS did that before.
What's with the silent treatment? Control? When I go somewhere or need him to watch the kids, he knows all the details. Why isn't he extending me the same courtesy?
This is really beginning to annoy me. Any suggestions anyone?
my gut instinct tells me that you shouldn't force this or expect it right now since he han't agreed to end the A yet...you are waiting while doing Larry's program, right?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yes, I'm waiting. Larry's on vacation this week :-(, so I'm continuing my studies but have lots of questions that I'll be asking him on our next call Monday.
In addition to the non-reporting issue, I'm getting a bit concerned about all the distancing - I'm actually starting to think about life as a single mother!
One of the exercises Larry has me doing is thinking about "love movies" throughout the day - scenes from our courtship and marriage that made me fall in love with WH. It's fun and brings me warm fuzzies, thinking about the good man he used to be.
But when I got one of my weekly travel ezines in my inbox today, it had deals for the Cayman Islands (which is where we spent our honeymoon and is one of my love movies), I whipped out my calculator and figured out how much it would cost for 4 people - the kids and me! WH can't live up to those memories right now, so I wouldn't want him along, spoiling things. Besides, we can fit 4 people in 1 room; with 5, we have to have 2.
Am I a sick, horrible woman for thinking about family vacations WITHOUT WH?
Well, I have reached the point where I sincerely, NO B.S. here, can envision 2 lives. My single mom life and my rough road to reconciliation life. And it has made me feel so free and relaxed! I am ready to lose my marriage for good if I have to. Why am I telling you this? Because I think it is actually a good idea to be able to think of life as a single person so that it really helps you be stronger and more daring and confident. If you end up leaving WH, even just temporarily, take the kids with you to the Cayman Islands!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Now that I think about it, Larry told me to start visiting single mother forums and websites on our first call. I thought that was strange given that I was trying to come up with a reconciliation plan, but perhaps this IS part of the recon plan. I certainly don't feel desperate now - just annoyed that WH is wasting so much time and energy on these destructive antics.
BTW - he did call me from his trip 2x last night, which surprised me. He sounded ok on the first call but REALLY tired (and cranky) on the 2nd about 30 mins later. When I told him so, he said, "Well, what in the h*ll do you think I'm doing down here, partying? I swear, you and the grad students thinking I'm goofing off!"
I assured him I didn't, and that clearly he'd been working too hard and needed a break.
It was such an odd remark that when I thought about it later, I'm pretty sure it pointed to one thing: he'd talked to OW grad student in between our calls and had had a fight. Would love to look at the cell phone records to confirm that, but he's blocked my access...
Anyway, glad to know thinking like a single parent isn't outside the realm of normal! Am thinking more and more about a summer getaway with the kids. WH and I traveled a lot before we had them and have felt tethered for a decade because of cost and schlepping so much kid stuff. Now that they're older and don't need cribs, diapers, toys, etc., perhaps it's time to just pack our bags and go --
