Not sure which way to go anymore

[Mystik]

Thursday will be two weeks since H last e-mailed me. I am wondering if the going so dim I might as well be dark is really getting to me. I find myself wondering if H thinks that I no longer want him back, that's why he's not contacting me or being friendlier. That or he is truly 100% done, when just six weeks ago he was all set to move right in.

So, should I throw him a crumb or two? One of the things I was thinking of doing was a cheap little photo book filled with pictures of DS for Father's Day. Something for DS to give him that shows I put thought into it, too.

[timehealsall]

Hang in there.

I know you get tired of hearing it, but it does get better.

The ache in your chest, hurts to breath, want to stay in bed, don't want to talk to anyone about anything-been there, done that. We all have. Let it all out while you are alone. Then, make yourself do something for you to take your mind off of things if even for a little while.

Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself.

^^^ best advice.


I know you want to crawl under a rock right now.. but you simply cannot.

Life is too short.. Live.

As for your suggestion for FD.. that seems like something nice. So long as it's pictures of DS and not of you.

[Mystik]

So my emotions are swinging wildly again. For some reason I was thinking that since this was H's weekend with DS he was getting him on Wednesday. So he calls me, he's at the school looking to pick up DS. He comes to my place, and when I went to answer the door he was looking very serious. I asked him, "You're looking serious" and he said time was of the essence. I confirmed that he was taking DS overnight this weekend, then they left. As they were going out the door H was telling DS to hustle, they had to get to Tramp's son's school. Then Brian asked why Tramp was in H's car. Um, can we say OWWW!!!!

[Mystik]

Timehealsall, thank you. I am trying to just make it one day at a time.

I made sure to choose pictures of just DS or just DS and H. I am not in a single one, though I took them all.

[Abbey]

From a completely different way of looking of trying win someone back... Mort Fertel's idea is to "give" something to the WAS. Something that would mean something to them. So not a bad idea, IMO.

I did have to mix bits and pieces of Mort's and DB together at times.

Keep your piccie out of it,... first of all, ... he'll know you made it. Secondly... it'll drive OW nuts. ... especially when she'll say ... she's trying to invade... and he'll probably say... if she was doing that... she'd have put in piccies of herself. Play the odds Mystik.

And as for "love you" ... Hubs did some of that crap too... He did spend time wanting both of us for a while. I still say: play the odds, play the odds, play the odds I actually fell down the stairs one morning while he was on the phone with her: ... saying: Good morning. He was so afraid of her finding him "with me"... that he was oblivious that I almost broke my leg. Remember screwed in the head? Yeah.

I'll urge you... as hard as this is... try to embrace your singlehood while you have it. You ARE going to need it to help you through whatever life throws at you. One of the mistakes I made was not enjoying myself more when I was single. Honestly... there are times now (believe it or not).. that I miss being single. I can't really explain it better than this... just put him away every so often so you can work on you... and what you like. If you focus solely on "him" and all that entails... you'll miss an opportunity to become a bigger better version of yourself.

*hugs*
Abbey

[Mystik]

Abbey ~ I need to look up this Mort Fertel, sounds like straight-up DBing isn't quite doing it. It seems like the more distant I become, he responds by becoming more distant himself. I did forget about being screwed up in the head, must remind myself of that. And I do need to work on me more, it's so hard with the depression to actually do something other than sit on the couch and stare into space.

Ordered the photo book last night, it should be here within a week or so. I have DS on Father's Day weekend but H is taking him for FD, going to help DS make him a card or something and send the gift to H's with DS.

[Vulcanized]

This is good Mystik.

I'm sure H will know exactly who took all the photos!

Keep your head up. I know it's hard.

(((Mystik)))

[Mystik]

RNM - He will know for sure who took all the pictures. Especially since the ones of DS when he was a baby are all in the setting of the home we had. I'm trying to keep my head up, one day at a time is my mantra.

[Mystik]

Home with DS today, he woke up crying that he doesn't want his daddy and me to get unmarried, that he doesn't want a step-daddy, he wants his real daddy. He said he's afraid that if we get unmarried he'll never see his real daddy again. I assured him that whatever happens, his real daddy will stay his real daddy and he'll still see him, it will be just like it is now. He was slightly appeased, but is still very worried that H and I are going to get unmarried and doesn't want that to happen. He asked if we could stay home today for extra cuddle time, and I agreed. I felt that DS needed me more today than he needed school or work needed me. And he has been glued to me the whole morning, just sitting with me quietly and cuddling while watching tv or watching me play a game on the computer.

I'm at a loss as to how to explain this to DS. What words can I say to reassure him that even if H and I get unmarried that DS will still be our number one priority? It makes it even harder when I don't want a divorce, either. And I told DS he should talk to his daddy about how he feels, DS refused and said he would rather talk to me, not that he's even doing that. So I get stuck dealing with the messy part of separating and H is in his own fog-filled world.

Sent a crumb to H last night, e-mailed him the newest picture of DS the school took. It's an adorable picture, hope H appreciates me thinking to send it to him.

[Mystik]

And yes, I have called a child psychologist for DS, they are booked up through the end of June, they're supposed to call me then to set up an appointment for DS to be seen. I would try another therapist but he has already seen one at this practice that he is comfortable with.