That's just it....I don't know if there is anything he CAN do specifically to bring those things out in me....I tend to lean toward the fact that sometimes things just need to be there.
Your thread is striking a deep chord with me.
The above is a problem I am having during our MC sessions, as well. The counselor asked me just today (again) what exactly it is that I want and the answer is (again), "I don't know." I just know what I don't want, but I can't make a list of X,Y,Z that would suddenly make me certain we can recover.
Sex is also a huge issue for us. Well, me. The counselor likes to ask me why, if I want sex, I have a problem initiating. It's not so much a problem initiating... heaven knows I've done plenty of that and been turned down plenty. But even when he doesn't turn me down, it's not fulfilling the need I have to feel desired by my husband. No matter how much he tells me he wants me or enjoys it when we're together, his never bothering to reach out to me for sex does not back that up. And it's not an unexpressed need, there is no ambiguity that this is important to me-- it just isn't to him.
So no list that says "Make love once a week" is going to solve the problem when, at best, I'm a to-do to get checked off to be sure he gets his Good Husband Gold Star for the week. Desiring me is just one of those things that needs to "be there" and isn't.
Sex is just a component, though, it's everything, and I'm quite afraid I'm going to finish MC realizing that this really is just as good as it's ever going to get, even once we get the hurts/conflicts resolved.
