You know, he was such a good husband for so long...
He'll ALWAYS be the smartest person in the room when he's surrounding himself with alcoholics and high school drop outs... With me and our old friends, he is held to a higher standard of behavior and effort (but I think a much richer and more interesting life) but he's obviously chosen to reject me and our old friends and embrace the boozing and the Bimbo, instead. Over time, our friends predict, he won't be able to stand the current situation, but that doesn't mean he'll even try to come back to me.
I would want to try to fix things, though - but I don't want to be an idiot about it.
Ok, let's look at some facts:
1. You haven't heard from him for 6 weeks, and then all of a sudden he starts contacting you and telling others you're reconciling. That means the dropout and the amoral, "love the one you're with" ski bum are starting to wear thin. They may have influenced him over time, but they're not filling his needs now. Otherwise, he wouldn't be contacting you.
2. If he's "easily the smartest person in the room," then appeal to his intellect in your contacts with him. Tell him you miss your stimulating conversations. Make references to things only an educated person would know, like art, history, politics, language, literature, etc. If he's American, reference Americana. If he likes to travel, talk about the places you've been. Respond to his texts or emails in different languages. In short, titillate his mind. Bimbo barmaid won't be able to compete.
3. Continue on with your life as an exciting single woman, working, seeing movies, going to museums, attending lectures, having drinks with friends, etc. Get a life. Be gracious and kind when speaking to him, take extra care in your appearance when seeing him. But keep your distance.
REMEMBER: This is HIS issue, not yours. You didn't start this, you didn't ask for this.
I know it hurts. I know you want to help him.
But don't put your life on hold because some alien took over your WH body.
Instead, let him know you disapprove of his current lifestyle, but you support HIM - at least for now -- until he comes around.
Only you can decide how much you're willing to take.
At some point, he'll get tired of slumming. Every educated man does. He'll sober up and realize that he's sold himself short, that he should be much further along in life than he is at that point.
Hopefully that will be soon, before you've put a fork in the relationship and determined it's "done"...
