I can tell you where Andabelle got whiplash...you say you want to save your marriage...you spy on your H wanting to know what he is doing...then when son invites him over and he accepts you say "I don't feel safe around him because he betrayed twice."
If you don't feel safe around him then you shouldn't be spying on him or trying to get him back until you do feel safe (if ever)...it makes no sense to try and win someone back that you don't feel safe with...
You go all over the map...causing us to get virtual "whiplash"...and give up trying to advise.
H just called son h wanted to talk longer than usual. He asked son how I was. I think he was waiting for son to invite him over for dinner, because he came last fri. for dinner. I talked to Jody the coach today and she said I should continue to detach and GAL..
...the next question is "Will you continue to detach and GAL"? I have been sort of following you this past month...you have been here for a while and I understand that this is not the first time H has "betrayed" you...but from what I am seeing you are betraying yourself too...by becoming so wrapped up in him and his every move...driving by, spying, texting, thinking, blaming...pretty much doing everything except working on you! You can not make your happiness another persons responsibility...that will drive them away...it is suffocating...it is unfair to that person to make them responsible for your feelings...to make a man the center of your universe, your best friend, your everything...will again, eventually drive them away...unless that man has is own issues he will not want the weight of your needs on him...that is why we (LBS) need to find our own happiness, quit blaming, and start acting...we need to work on ourself, focus on our children, and be the best and happiest person we can be...I have not seen you do this for more then a few posts...few and far between...you take a step in the right direction then do a 100 yd dash back...thus sinking deeper and deeper. Jody the coach can only tell you that you should detach ( I purposely did not use the word "continue", because it implies that you have been doing it.) You life will stay where it is at, you concerned about your son and his grades, his education, your anger, your sadness...it will revolve around and around UNTIL YOU made the CHOICE to change it...H's return won't change it, his continued activity won't change it...you will stay where you are until YOU change it.
I do want to commend for something though...you mentioned that it was not good to be here all the time...and your right, because that means your life is becoming about this place...and while initially this can be your lifeline and map for direction, eventually, like a baby learns to walk, you need to be able to let go and live!
I am concerned about your son...because he does not have the tools he needs to realize that he doesn't have to follow his parents foot steps in the spiral down and instead he gets caught in the vortex of both of your lives...dragging him a long whether he wants to go or not...
I have given up on getting a direct reply from you anymore as you usually gloss on by but I reply so that others will see what not to do and how it turns out if they do it this way years later...and you are going on years now since your registered in July 07
The weekends are really difficult for me. Im having bad panic attacks about future and what he's doing. Yesterday was a good day because my son went out with h all day and night. when h came to pick up son I went out to my car and put my beach chair in it. H asked son after who i was going to the beach with son said with my new tennis friend. Today I went by h house and his car is not there. I have so much trouble not doing this. I am so tempted to call and yell at him. I just think he is going to get use to his single life more and more that he'll never come back. Last time we were separated for a year and I detached he just enjoyed the screwing around more and more. When I called and yelled and talked sense into him he woke up, and came back home for 2 yrs . That is why I have panic attacks not calling him now, I think it makes things worse. He is very independent and doesn't care.
Or possibly you "guilted" him into coming back and he really didn't want to and that is why 2 years later he leaves!
You didn't talk sense into him then, you won't now, and stalking the man just confirms to him that you are suffocating him!
I don't know why you bother spending money/time talking to a coach because you just do what your going to do...you will call him...you will yell at him...you will blame it on your panic attacks...
See how confused you are...you previosly posted that you don't feel safe with H, now your worried H will never come back???
I am just suprised that your H hasn't gotten a restraining order against you...but that doesn't mean that he won't wise up eventually...I can tell you that I would run fast and far if someone was trying to track my every move and then yelling at me about it if I had left to get away from them...
Rysmom, you need more help then anyone here can give you...and I think that is why you are not getting much input on your posts anymore...you are sucking it dry...sort of how you did your H, I suspect...
I think you should just plan on a future alone, without H, hopefully with your son if he doesn't tire of the emotional roller coaster you are always on...get real help...real mental professional help...not just a church psychologist...I think you are a candidate for meds and very intensive therapy to get you possibly on the right track...
I wish you the best but not real sure what is going to happen to you...
Sorry for the hijack ... Lin, would love if you would take a read through my sitch (both links in sig) some day if you have some time ... I've found your story very inspirational and would love to have some input ...
Thanks! PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I had a good day today. i have not called h in a week. I went to my class and i went running at the park. I worked in my yard too, I planted some nice flowers and am redoing my garden with new plants. I helped my son study for his history exam. Hope you had a nice day. I am going to join a tennis group and call lady i played with last week. I am going to go to the beach this weekend with my son, my sister and her son. I am really looking forward to going in the ocean if it is not to cold.
