I agree that insurance should not be used as a bargaining chip for the marriage.
I do find it upsetting though that she can ask you in a clear fashion about health insurance but most other times she only can make noises and faces when communicating with you.
Keep in mind this is NY state and the laws are very different here than anywhere else in the country when it comes to legal separation and divorce. While it is an unfortunate thing to have to consider you putting her on your plan now certainly could put you in a position to have to pay her health insurance should you separate or divorce as you willingly put her on your plan while married. Since your insurance is free through your employer it might be less of a consideration I guess.
While I am sure this is not the best course of action at this point I might consider asking her why she is able to communicate with you for the insurance but most other times she chooses not to barely acknowledge you. I might also consider telling her that your insurance has great C'ing coverage and you plan to go as you have some big decision to make about your life.
Your W has a very easy escape route available to her (her dad's house) and the means to provide for herself financially.
I agree not to use the insurance as a bargaining chip but I am not sure I would be so quick to put her on the insurance. I am not sure really.
