He's telling friends he thinks we'll reunite

[MarieC]

Thanks, Red.

You know, he was such a good husband for so long, but then fell into a friendship with this awful retired ski bum who hates Americans (although he is American) and REALLY hates American women. My husband admires his athletic prowess and how well he skis and that he's a Vietnam vet and has a lot of friends in this small German town - most of whom are either fellow ski bums or women he's screwed behind the back of his live-in girlfriend. This man has had so much influence over my husband's outlook and behavior in the last two years that a mutual friend of theirs started calling the ski bum my husband's "True Love." At first it was funny, but over time, my husband took on the values and the behavior of this guy. I thought he was blowing off the horrible things this ski bum said about American women (I am an American woman, for instance), but apparently I was wrong.

The last time my husband spent any time with me (moving out our furniture, which he got - along with the BMW X5 - in a post-nup in exchange for not taking half of my retirement and half of my savings, as he could under German law, which applies to us as our whole marriage took place here), he said so many kind things and seemed so surprised at how nice things were with us. It seems to me that the ski bum and the Bimbo have convinced him we'd had a horrible life -- and since my husband has dropped contact with all of our mutual friends -- the reality of how we were together came into conflict with the fake story they'd all been telling themselves about me and our relationship.

I am trying to stay focused on what's real - he's living with the waitress, banking with waitress, and likely to knock up the waitress - but I can't forget all the years he was good to me.

I am being good about going dark, only contacting him when necessary for things like banking, but I wonder... how can I keep the door open for reconciliation without being a doormat - or an idiot, wasting hope on a person who has decided to take the easiest road in life. He'll ALWAYS be the smartest person in the room when he's surrounding himself with alcoholics and high school drop outs... With me and our old friends, he is held to a higher standard of behavior and effort (but I think a much richer and more interesting life) but he's obviously chosen to reject me and our old friends and embrace the boozing and the Bimbo, instead. Over time, our friends predict, he won't be able to stand the current situation, but that doesn't mean he'll even try to come back to me.

It's so sad to me - we were so good to one another for so long and then BOOM! He decided it was over and there's nothing I can do about it.

Plus, the Bimbo works right behind my apartment and he goes drinking there, so every time I leave the apartment I worry about running into them. WIth no car, no furniture, and huge lawyers' bills for the post-nup ($7000 so far), I can't consider moving.

I would want to try to fix things, though - but I don't want to be an idiot about it.

Thanks again, Red.