Ah so much to respond to, and I'm not sure what's in my head today.
I am amazed at how I can get so low - the past couple days were bad, it was starting to scare me that I was going back to the bad place - and then suddenly, I'm fine. Just over the last couple of hours.
Bill, I know you we're calling me dishonest or anything like that - at the time, I was in a bit of a frenzy - haven't gone back and reread the post but I know it was a little emotional.
I didn't think there was much more left for XW to say that would really torpedo me. But the conversation on Sunday was new; different, and I really don't even want to post more about it, it was too much. I think I really need to keep my distance for now. Not ignore. It's too much right now, for me, and for her. She asked me to help her with her computer last night, and I did, but she knew, she could tell I was upset, and I did tell her "you f&$#ed me up." And I talked to her last night briefly on the phone, and I think we both agree that it's too much right now.
Yeah, she's miserable, definitely, and she's scared about security, and she's really struggling.
But anyway, of all the things that have obsessively gone through my mind recently, how to drive a reconcilation is not one of them. I don't need to make any decisions on what's possible, but hell, you know what, I just want my mind to be empty for awhile.
Last night, I felt overwhelmed, there's laundry to fold, there are bills to pay, there are a lot of things to DO, and I seem to have passed out of that mania that we keeping me going. My kids were outside, so finally, I just laid down on the driveway and watched the clouds. I just needed to stop, it was more of a collapse than anything, but after I did that for awhile, I felt better.
OK need to finish my lunch and work - thanks guys -
