On a scale of 1 to 10.. how pissed are you gonna be when she does screw you? 1 meaning you will never give it another thought.. 10 meaning you are gonna snipe her the next day.
I want an honest.. well thought out answer to that question.
I'll probably be at around a 7 or an 8. I'll want to retaliate...I'll want to get back at her, etc. That will last for about a day or two and then I'll be resigned to my fate.
Last night as I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep I reached a state of incredible calm with her ending our marriage and began to focus on how I could be the best Dad possible under those circumstances. Today, I still want my marriage to work but I'm having to face the reality that she could care less. So, now it's about how to preserve my relationship with my son without doing any further damage to my marriage. The door is open but I'm finished begging/ trying to convince her to walk through it.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
"Re: the mortgage"
Just say yes.
I can't. I can do all of the mortgage or 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 of our son's expenses. I can't do all of the mortgage and 1/2 of his stuff, too. I'm moving in July so I'm going to have to establish a residence of my own and that will involve some expense on my end.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
"She did say that she is not "ruling out" the "possibility" that I could come stay at the condo "at some time in the future." Again...stringing me along to keep me docile."
Tell her you appreciate the thought. Use your words. You do appreciate that she is "willing to do that for you".. right? Tell her you look forward to that day. If you wanna sugar coat it. My thought is just a simple.. that sounds good honey.
Now.. if you look at the last statement you made in the "" above.
What is she trying to "see"?
I don't think she's trying to see anything. I think she's been keeping me docile so that I would go along with all of her plans with little to no resistance. Now that she has her son with her I fully anticipate that the "conversations" we've been having will end and I fully anticipate divorce paperwork in September. That's why I said I was willing to let things settle for the next 30 days. You say 10 and that's cool with me. My thought is that in 30 days she'll have settled in to her new place and I'll be moved out of our house. I will have made 3 trips up. One this weekend (anniversary) one next weekend (Father's Day) and one over the 4th (Federal Holiday). This is the dynamic we discussed as this thing developed. Now, she is saying it's not "practical" for me to come up every weekend. (She's backing off of this plan...as I see it). I've also got access to a rent free place to stay (my buddy's place will be empty and he's letting me stay there) for the next 2 visits at least. He's offered to let me stay with him anytime I need it but that may change when I'm trying to spend a weekend with my son at his place. We'll see. At least for the next 30 days it's cool so the "practicality" is a moot point. Again, I've told her that as long as I've got a place to call "home" where I am welcome and where we can be together as a family, I'll be OK living substandard where I work. But, I'm not going to live that way if I don't have a place to call "home" where she is. If I don't then I'll live within my means but comfortably where I work and I'll get a small apartment where she is so my son will have a place that is "his" when he comes to see Daddy. Again, September is the beginning of the "off season" where she is and I can rent a furnished place fairly inexpensively from September to May.
I've got a line on some temporary lodging of my own in the DC area. It will leave me uncommitted until September. It's a bit more expensive than a long term lease but it leaves me with some flexibility should she decide to establish a joint marital residence where she is. (not likely but I don't want to shut the door on my ability to flex and support) So,once again September becomes a pivotal month. It's the earliest she can file, it's the end of the seasonal lodging where she is which is a perfect opportunity for us to get a place if her situation is truly "temporary". It's also the beginning of the off-season which is to my advantage financially if I have to establish a solo residence because she won't agree to a joint one.
I see that I have July and August to turn this thing...after that...I think it'll be done.
Next dilemma:
This weekend is our 12th anniversary. I thought I would get a card and nothing more. Just a "thanks for 12 wonderful years" and leave it at that. I had offered dinner, etc but I don't think that's even an option now.
I took my wedding ring off when she lied to me about the condo. You're right..she probably thought I would "freak out" and perhaps take some action to keep our son with me. From my perspective, it's more deception..more lies and just one more indication that she is intent on filing for D as soon as she can.
I'm headed up there on Friday and I'm going to focus on time with my son. If she wants to be part of it, that's great but I'm not asking her to be with us. It'll be awkward but so be it.
Do I put my ring on? Is taking it off telling her I'm done or will it clearly communicate that a threshold has been crossed? Part of me says "put the ring on...act as if everything is OK...normal as normal can be" but there's another part of me that says "keep it off and let her draw her own conclusions. Spend time with your son and don't worry about her, don't try to include her but don't exclude her. Make time with my son the priority."
