Yes, OW's a real self-absorbed, self-righteous uh..."character" who is called LOTS of things by the female faculty at the university - but "competent scientist" isn't among them, LOL!
I have a feeling once this all comes to a head -- and it will, the momentum is building -- and she winds up on the outside looking in with no mentor or smart boyfriend to push her along, she's gonna crash and burn. Nothing like starting your career as a pariah!
I had another session with Larry today and he had me write down 10 movie-like scenes from our courtship and marriage that made me fall in love with WH. It was a FASCINATING walk down memory lane --
-From our first date when he stood behind me and put his hands over mine to show me the correct way to hold a putt putt golf putter (and I nearly fainted from the hot guy steam factor!)
-To the day he greeted me at the airport with a pair of diamond earrings after I'd been away 4 days at a conference and he said it felt like a year
-To our wedding night when we did a junk food run and he told everyone at the Taco Bell we'd just been married and they applauded
...it reminded me of the great guy I fell in love with and married and am fighting to get back. It was also an eye-opener of how complacent we'd become, because the last great scene I could remember was from 1998. :-(
I only had the 1 session with the db coach, which was good, but I was looking for something a bit more aggressive and have found it with Larry - 2x a week vs once every two weeks. His home study course if very thorough, and if I sound more confident now as opposed to earlier posts, it's because of what I've learned from him: to think and act strategically instead of emotionally.
It's made a world of difference to my mindset and attitude, and WH has DEFINITELY noticed. After all the junk we've been through, it's time to bring on the good stuff!!!
Interesting weekend. Continuing to see some improvements in WH behavior, but this is SO slow!
Good things that happened:
-Asked him if I could drive his new car downstate for my nephew's graduation on Sat. He not only said yes, he spent 10 minutes explaining all the knobs and buttons. I was in the driver's seat, he was standing right beside me, and "accidentally" touched me more in those 10 minutes than he has in the last 3 months.
-Texted me 2x while I was with sister to make sure I was ok.
-Noticed my light was still on when he came home from work at midnight last night (has a grant deadline this week) and came upstairs to chat with me for a few minutes. First time in 8 weeks he's done that.
-Spent most of this morning in basement working on grant. Said it was quiet here and he could get more done.
All promising but again, SO slow! Ready for big things faster...
But Red, you first mentioned Larry on 5/27. So it has been 11 days since you started implementing changes...right?
your H did all of those things since you have been putting the changes in place in 11 days??? Larry says 30 days to stop the divorce or something right?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hmmm - I guess when you count the days, it IS proceeding on schedule.
I think my impatience stems from one of the daily exercises Larry has me doing, recounting the good times WH and I shared. I'm SO anxious to have THAT guy back that the alien that's currently inhabiting his body seems to be lingering like a nasty cough...
Wow! Seeing Red, I am so impressed with the changed you have been able to bring around ... I too am the kind of person who prefers a more aggressive approach, but alas I can't afford another session with my DB coach - let alone Larry!
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
yeah- 1000 dollars is so much! I spent 300 on the DB coach sessions. But I am pleased it is helping you, Red!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I initially balked at the price tag, too, and hemmed and hawed for three months before discovering the 4-month payment plan a few weeks ago.
Three weeks into it, I think it's worth 10x the price.
I have learned SO much about WH, me, and the whole situation that I can now look at this from a logical rather than emotional viewpoint. It REALLY helps having a man's view of what WH is thinking, because Lord knows I would never have figured it out for myself!
I did have one session with a DB coach, and she did tell me two things that helped:
1. OW has no respect for marital boundaries, doesn't give a damn about me or my kids, and has made it very, VERY easy for WH to justify his bad behavior. Unfortunately, he's spent more time with her the last 3 years than he has me, and she's inflicted a lot of damage. It will take time to undo.
2. WS's often play the "two steps forward, three steps back" game (two good things followed by three bad things) to keep their BS's at a distance and the relationship in turmoil. I have found this to be true.
Fortunately, Larry has taught me a way to deal with the nastiness, and it's been a godsend. He also warned me that it will get worse before it gets better as WH grapples with his confusion/emotions and makes one last attempt to run me off and make me the bad guy for leaving the marriage. I'm bracing myself, but I'm already seeing the signs.
Dashing Dr. Jekyll spent a lovely weekend with us and left for work yesterday morning...and nasty Mr. Hyde returned late last night, two hours late, no phone call, spewing venom.
<Sigh>
I used to think WH and I were SO unique. We aren't. In fact, it's almost ridiculous to see how predictable our behaviors are!
That being said, there's a VERY high probability (88%) that this will end as follows: I will continue Larry's version of DBing, WH will start spewing to OW, she'll get ticked and tell him where to shove it, their relationship will end, and he'll be back and ready for a fresh start.
It looks good on paper, but we all know it doesn't always go so smoothly in real life...
I've been thinking about getting my palm read for several months now, to see how this whole relationship saga plays out. I've never been that much into astrology or tarot cards -- I've read my horoscope in magazines and newspapers, nothing more -- but I was curious to see what might be "in the cards" for me with this marital situation.
So after reading several reviews, I ended up on Cainer.com. Jonathan Cainer is a grandfatherly British guy with a reportedly high degree of accuracy. I read my free daily horoscope for several days, read a free monthly and a yearly horoscope, and then decided to buy a my "Guide to the Future" reading for $23. I put in the date, time, and place of my birth -- and received a 33 page document in return.
It was jaw-dropping.
I mean EXACT dates things had happened over the last few months, combined with future dates of when things would happen or be resolved. Mind-blowing.
I'm curious to see how on-the-mark it is. If the past dates listed are any indication, it could mean that WH and I will reconcile as soon as this month, and that OW will be gone from our lives forever in December...which is when she's scheduled to get her degree.
A curiosity, to say the least! I'll keep you posted...
A few weeks ago, I came across a site that offers free readings of tarot, runes, etc. Click on tarot, I don't put in my name and use initials in my questions as well as a time. (ie, this week, this month, and so on) Celtic cross is most comman spread but relationship is fun too. Facade. com.
Be careful with in person readers. Once they hear affair, they tend to inject their own biases. The cards only can tell the future based on how things are today. If something changes tomorrow, the whole reading changes. So, they are best used to check if you are on the right path. Mostly it is FUN! Don't take it too seriously.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Only listed date, time, and place of birth, nothing about current situation - and yet it returned specific dates on things had happened in our marriage. Freaky!!! But as you suggested, only using for fun and entertainment, not sell-my-first-born kind of seriousness.
Also checked out Facade.com, as you suggested, and only used initials. Interesting, but not as relevant as Cainer.com. Go there and click on your Zodiac sign. Close? Or no cigar?
