I was sitting in front of the computer bawling yesterday evening after reading Eric's post on his own thread about his kids. It really hit me that what I hate most about this whole situation is the time I have to arbitrarily spend away from them. Not that I was the type to stay home all the time or anything, but it just feels so stupid to not be able to go home or say goodnight or chat with them about their days. Anyway ... as I was sitting there in my tears feeling sorry for myself I got a text from H (at 7pm)...
H: What are you at tonight? Wanna drop of my meds and say good night to the kids? ME: (after about 5 mins) Just finishing something ... what time will they be going in? H: S2 is going in within 15 mins. Really want to smoke!! ME: K, be there in a few ... you're doing great!
Maybe I should have not answered or been 'busy', but it felt like a sign ... felt like just what I needed ...
I went down and spent an hour or so with them, reading stories, chatting etc and even helped tuck them in (all without stepping on H's toes .. deferred all questions to him etc). Chatted with H for a minute and then left. Not that I wanted to. I wanted to stay, and seduce him. What is with that? It's been two weeks since we were together and it seems like it's all I can think about. I catch him looking and peeking ... and Sat morning when he came down to wake me up he sat really close and brushed against me (totally not necessary) ... but other than that, he hasn't made any concrete moves. MC said that since he was the one feeling pressure, if we were going to have sex then he should be the one to initiate it - it might feel like pressure coming from me. Arrrggggg, I am so frustrated!
Then to top it off I got a text from H at 9:35 that said "you alone?" (actually I didn't hear it and didn't get it until 10:05 ... at which time I replied "yeah, why?" ... and got no answer. Figured he fell asleep so I went and wrote in my "Dear H" journal and then went to sleep. Woke at 11:30 to a thump downstairs (I was at my parents - damn dog!) and then at 11:32 I get a text from H that says "you awake?" I answer "yeah" and he says "I dozed off, didn't get your reply ... I'm gonna call". So he did ... and chatted about the internet usuage he noticed by my 13 year old brother (he must have snuck to our house instead of going to school on Monday - after the year we've had we're all pretty worried about him, seems to have some real anger issues). Said good night and went to sleep. Tossed and turned all night. Negative - was hoping he wanted to 'talk' to me ... positive - he's still invested in and cares about my extended family.
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Wanted to tell him that I almost made a fool of myself and came on to him ... but didn't. Wanted to say so much ... but didn't.
For some reason I am obsessing about the OW today. Need to clear my head but nothing seems to be working. Bleh. Have many reoccurring thoughts ever since mutual guy pal B said that OW and I should talk to clear the air (after he had dinner with her and she told him that 'nothing happened' with her and H - I guess her definition of nothing is different than mine - or she meant sex ... dunno).
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Good question. I hate that she left him a happy b'day message on facebook ... and then Sunday night he was at An & D's for a BBQ and he told me she was there for a short while ...
Honestly, I feel like there are little reminders which make it hard to put her out of my mind ... but I'm starting to wrap my head around the idea that IF he's being honest, and they are 'just friends' then my obsessing about her, and making little comments every once in a while, is certainly not going to help! (ie. well if you think I'm doing it, I might as well do it!) I need to let it go. I'm just not sure how.
Have any of you talked to the OP with anything less than negative backlash? Would it ever help to 'clear the air' or is it just the control freak in me rearing her ugly head?
Bleh.
OK ... deep breath ...
New topic ... availablility. H commented this morning that since we are going to S5's kindergarten orientation together that I might as well come for supper tonight and travel together. I said sure, makes sense. Now I realize that I've made myself very available on both of his nights at home with the kids. Can't mind-read, and he's a very capable daddy, so I don't know if this conscious cake-eating or just him reaching out in some way. Whatever it is, he's not going to miss me if I'm there all the time now is he? And this Thursday is grocery night and last week he proposed that since getting the groceries and cutting grass were the tasks we took on, maybe we could take the kids to supper together, get groceries together and then he'd cut the grass while I put the groceries away. So that's 2 days from now which will mean, if he follows through, 3 evenings spent doing things and having meals together ... wait a minute ... that's a FAMILY!
So, either he's cake-eating or he's reaching out for the familiar in some way .... either way I think I need to back off ... if he's cake-eating, well, I'll soon see it. If he's reaching out that should become obvious too. I don't think I should NEVER be available, but ALWAYS isn't a good idea either.
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Have any of you talked to the OP with anything less than negative backlash? Would it ever help to 'clear the air' or is it just the control freak in me rearing her ugly head?
You know what I LOVE, its when a person already knows the answer...in fact uses it as part of their question. : )
Cake-eating...
I do not think that words means what you think it means.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My H only had a friendship with OW as well. Now they live together. They were more than friends all the time.........I'm not saying it is a PA but it is probably an EA. Sorry.
I also wanted to believe my H was different and told the truth and would never cheat on me. Got a bit suspicious when I asked H whether he had kissed her and he said yes. Couldn't get my head around how many of my friends I had kissed on the lips!
Many MLCers have affairs as part of the course. She is just a symptom no more and no less.
Have any of you talked to the OP with anything less than negative backlash? Would it ever help to 'clear the air' or is it just the control freak in me rearing her ugly head?
You know what I LOVE, its when a person already knows the answer...in fact uses it as part of their question. : )
And I knew you would say that ....
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Cake-eating...
I do not think that words means what you think it means.
I see cake-eating as 'having your cake and eating it too' so when I referenced it above I meant maybe H is cake-eating by getting to have his 'separation' (not have to be accountable to someone, do and say what he wants, pursue what he wants to pursue) yet have a partner home to help with the kids etc when he wants.
I feels sort of like H is living two lives instead of figuring out how to internally reconcile that being a family man and leading an independent and fulfilling life do not have to be mutually exclusive.
If he's not 'cake-eating', or my impression of it, then perhaps he's reaching out and enjoys having his family around him, me included. I don't know.
I don't want to let him take advantage, but I also don't want to push him away if he's reaching out. Dunno.
That's why I'm going to try to go at least a bit dim (it will also be a 180 for me to be less available) ... flush him out a bit ... if he's interested, he'll pursue. If not, I won't notice 'cause I'll be too busy GALing
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
My H only had a friendship with OW as well. Now they live together. They were more than friends all the time.........I'm not saying it is a PA but it is probably an EA. Sorry.
I also wanted to believe my H was different and told the truth and would never cheat on me. Got a bit suspicious when I asked H whether he had kissed her and he said yes. Couldn't get my head around how many of my friends I had kissed on the lips!
Many MLCers have affairs as part of the course. She is just a symptom no more and no less.
Hey libby ... yeah, they WERE an EA ... it's a long story - but he says they are just friends now ... blah, blah, blah, I know how it sounds but I've explained it a couple of times. Long story short ... I trust his INTENTIONS (and I have my reasons) but I don't necessarily believe he's being honest with himself about his reasons for, or ability to be, 'just friends' (even if he chooses to not act on any of it, it's still an EA if it's going on in his head and distracting from everything else). We, OW and I, have a few mutual friends, and were actually just becoming friendly before this sh!t hit the proverbial fan. The EA was 'busted' early, I believe before it became a PA (I know, I know, Jack) and by all accounts they are just friends. Mutual friend B suggests that since 'nothing happened' that OW and I should talk to 'clear the air' ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
