That is kind of like the person who says, I don't want to fight with you but then proceeds to fight. I think if they are good with being friends with you and vice versa...why not?
I did try to be friends with my FMIL but got too bad when she wouldn't tell her son how angry she was at him and took it out on me instead. Better off without that drama. Spoke to her for the first time in 2 years at D11's graduation.
Maybe he thinks this will force you into being friends since you care for his family so much. Just a guess.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh, and how UPSET HE IS about how things went....yeah....I didn't have the As, I didn't want to get D'd, so he can go screw himself over how upset HE IS about how things ended.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Batchit crazy is alive and well. He has an affair, you try to save your marriage but it ends in divorce. Now he has to eat a sh!t sandwich from all the drama he created, but yet he blames you for his own troubles with his family.
Since he thinks that you twist everything he say, the best option is to not respond at all.
And it's not like I talk to them every day! I see them about 3 times a year, talk to them a few times more than that.
And that upsets me. Because his family are very nice people. I miss them. But our R has changed because of his decision to D.
You are SO right! He is playing the victim! I think he is saying (perhaps even believes) that the reason he doesn't have a good R with them is because they like me more than him!
OMG. He's their blood. They'll always support him (doesn't mean they approve of his decisions, but they'll always be there for him regardless). I've just managed to carve out and keep some friendships despite all the drama.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Seriously passive-aggressive!!!! Don't respond. Period. He can voice his feelings to him own family, he doesn't get to have a say in what you do or who you are friends with!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
OH! And he wants me to stay out of his world....except he's the one who contacted me!
I don't go to family things he's at. I don't ask about him. They don't talk about him. My R with them is not based on him at all. And yet, I'm invading his world?!? Whatever.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
He doesnt want you to stay out of his world UNLESS you continue to NOT be friends with him. He is not accusing you of invading his world, or asking questions about him. He is making the point its a bit wierd you two are no longer in contact, but you are in contact with his Mum, which creates an embarressing situation within his family. What he's asking in his email is for you two to be friends and then you can all have a normal, out in the open friendship with him AND his family??
To be honest hun, I think he has a point. It is a little wierd that you keep close contact with his mother and sister but refuse to deal with him (and lets face it, you dont seem to be very friendly about him in your posts). You still hold some anger/resentment about the way things ended hey and thats evident in your posts. So if thats where you are at, I dont blame him for being a little wierded out that that is still your position toward him, but that you maintain contact with his parents.
I guess also, it exacebates his guilt/shame over the way he acted and ended it and makes him look continually bad in front of his own family.. becuase THEY still like you and choose to have you in their lives, whereas he didnt. Figure? Perhaps thats whats really eating him about all of this. He didnt say that though!
Can you move toward being friends with him? His email was quite nice I thought! He expresses he wants to be your friend because
"I wish you thought we could at least be friends, you are a great person and you make me laugh."
Whats that great DB mantra... forgiveness ?? Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
It seems to me that he stated that by being friends with people in his life I am invading his world.
I don't like his double standard because I don't tell him who to be friends with regardless of whether I am also friends with them. We still have some mutual friends, I just have understandings with them that I do not want to know about his life.
I am not in touch with him because I do not choose to have friends who treat me without respect, who are callous to me, and who lie to me. Since he has spent a good chunk of the last 3 years doing that, I choose not to have his toxic energy in my life.
His family on the other hand, has been perfectly supportive, nice, neutral, and friendly through it all. My friendship with them is not based on him at all, we don't discuss him. I see them 2 or 3 times a year. Talk to them periodically, mostly via e-mail rather than phone. Of them all, I talk to his sister the most, so I find it very strange that he is so flippin focused on his mom.
I don't particularly care if he thinks it is weird. I don't tell him who to be friends with, and I don't think it is fair for him to tell me who I should be friends with.
I have not decided if I am going to reply.
If I do, it will go something like this:
I am sorry you feel that way.
I am a bit confused why you are bringing it to my attention though. I do not feel it is my place to interfere with your relationship with your mother. If you have some problem with what they are or are not telling you, it would probably be more productive to discuss the issue with them as they are the ones who have control over it?
I do not know anything about these issues since what little relationship I have maintained with them does not involve you. I have an explicit understanding with them that I do not ask about you, and they do not tell me about your life.
You made the decision that I was no longer to be your family. I have accepted that and moved on. I am not good at cutting people out of my life however, and do not make that choice lightly. I choose to not maintain any relationship with you because I feel it is best for my mental and emotional health.
You do not actually have to sit there and nod and smile. They will love you no matter what. Perhaps discussing these issues with them would really help your relationship with them.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Send it!! - I think it's an excellent reply. I especially like the part about you not picking who he can or cannot be friends with and he shouldn't pick who you can or cannot be friends with either.
I also maintain a relationship with my STBX-in laws. They like me and I like them. When I am with them or talking to them we do not talk about or focus on my STBXW. I see nothing wrong with it at all.
