The Newcomers forums suggested I post over here, so here is my original topic. My last post in it contains everything I know to date about the affair(s).
I think I have enough to confront her, but am not sure exactly how to do it. I kind of want to wait until tonight and catch more web traffic, or get a chance to look at her phone texts when she lets her guard down.
But I want to do it soon. I have enough to want to ask her to leave the house, shut down the internet, or expose the affair(s) entirely. BUT I want to force HER to tell her family.
Any suggestions?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
While we're waiting for Allen and the others to show up, QS, I thought I'd welcome you over here (to the place where no one wants to be!), and share with you a little story from my sitch that I call "A Wayward Will Eventually Let Their Guard Down."
“A Wayward Will Eventually Let Their Guard Down”:
My wife also kept wiping her cellphone -- call log and TMs -- a couple of times every day, and also kept the phone with her (or near her) 24/7, it seemed.
I also noticed, that NOW THAT SHE FELT CONFIDENT THAT SHE HAD IT WITH HER ALL THE TIME, she no longer locked it.
So I began to study her habits/patterns every day. And I noticed that every morning, she woke up before I did, came downstairs, put on her shoes, and went outside to get the paper (we were sleeping in separate rooms at this time, me in the master BR and her upstairs in our daughter's old room).
I also noticed (made a beeline/"dry run" up there one morning when she went out to get the paper) that she kept her phone up there after she woke up, near her "bed" (a sleeping bag on the furniture-less room floor), charging, and UNLOCKED.
I quickly set the phone back down where I had found it, and slipped downstairs back into my bed. But I had my plan.
I went online and got a .pdf of her cellphone instructions, as I knew I wouldn't have much time with it, and would have to use that time quickly and wisely, and couldn't afford to be stumbling around with the buttons (I was totally unfamiliar with her phone). I studied the owners manual until I knew the navigation for call log and especially TEXT MESSAGES, frontwards and back. I waited for my opportunity, making sure to begin CLOSING MY BEDROOM DOOR EVERY NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO BED (I hadn't previously; had left it open a crack).
This I did for a week or two.
One morning, after a night where she had gone to bed early and I KNEW she was text messaging up there in her room, I pretended like I was asleep, and waited for her to go out and get the newspaper. When she did, I bolted up out of bed, left my bedroom, and shut the door the way behind me. I ran upstairs, went into her bedroom, and quietly closed the door behind me. There, next to her sleeping bag, was her cellphone, unlocked.
I spent the next 5 minutes looking at more than I needed to know, or that I wanted to see. Lots of "ILYs" and "no one does it for me like you do's" (this after she claimed the affair was over, and they were "just friends" again). Made sure to check both a few Sent Items and a few INbox, to make sure this wasn't a one-sided affair.
It wasn't.
I laid the phone back down, and came out of her bedroom and into our upstairs game room, and just went on the family computer for about 10-15 minutes. She was now downstairs, reading the newspaper at the kitchen table, just as she always did.
After awhile, I came down the stairs, and gave her a cheery "G'morning!"
She looked like she had seen a ghost, and the poor girl probably wet herself.
"W-w-what are you doing up?" she stammered.
"Oh, I couldn't sleep -- just went on the computer for a little bit," I answered.
"What's wrong with your laptop?" she asked, worried. (I rarely used the family computer upstairs)
"Oh, nothing," I purposely said briefly. "I"m gonna get in the shower; you need anything out of there?"
"No," she said, obviously worried shitless.
I knew all I needed to know, and it was GOOD that I knew it, because no more than 4-5 days later, she tried to gaslight me about not having any feelings for this OM. At that point, I said "STOP IT -- we both know you're lying to me right now. I saw your text messages the other morning, so you can sell that to someone who's buying."
'Nads, there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself, and your family. In fact, I would claim that you have a moral imperative to do so.
I just use blackberry manager, and do a 25 second backup to my hard drive. Dump the whole thing via USB, and then can browse later with ABC Amber Blackberry Converter.
Got her twice with it already. Oh and I have the backups saved in a Trucrypt encrypted password protected hidden volume...
I am VERY tech savvy. Maybe I should put together a list of resources and how-tos for the non-techies.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 06/08/1004:38 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
One of my fave pieces of intel was a nifty little Sony voice-activated recorder with a USB patch -- like $60 at CircuitCity, as I recall. Same thing as your deal -- able to quickly offload the recordings, then listen to (and archive) them later at my convenience. Burned them to CD, too, and used a particularly damning, "scoped" version that I called "Smoking Gun" for my re-confrontation with my wife on Day 60.
My GPS system:
And about a $40, pay-as-you-go BoostMobile phone, with all of its sounds turned off (and a little piece of black electrical tape over its speaker, just in case), charged up and placed into my son's baseball gear bag (it was offseason) in the trunk of her car.
You can buy an app from BoostMobile called "MapQuest Find Me" for about five bucks per month, and then just add minutes as you need them (you'll hardly need them at all, since you won't be calling the phone or making any calls with it). BINGO -- a sub-$50 GSP unit.
The program is really good. It worked about 90-95% of the time, although I did have to take the phone out and re-charge it every couple of nights, and then get it back into the trunk without my wife catching me. Then I just logged on to a secure website, and I could "see" where her car was (this was legal, as the car was in my name and I paid for it). You can even set e-mail "alerts" when the phone comes within "X" distance of any predetermined location, so, for example, when her car was within 100 yards of OM's house, I'd get an e-mail.
Saves your time and worry with constant snooping, and the screen-shots make GREAT stocking-stuffers for your attorney.
This (listening to/seeing raw intel) is NOT for the feint of heart. If you think you may react emotionally, and not be able to control yourself, or if you think it will be too emotionally devastating for you, you may want to enlisted a trusted, discreet third party to review your intel for you, and report only the top-line findings to you, and safely keep them for you.
But trust me, after seeing and hearing the stuff that I saw and heard, I had a helluva lot harder time with the "loving" part of "loving detachment" than I did with the "detachment" part. Not only was the intel obviously helpful with my strategy and tactics and legal case, but it really helped me get into "game mode," whereas my normal style is to go all needy/grabby "melty man" on her, and to be overly trusting (I know, I know -- hard to imagine! me, Puppy!). lol
How do I confront her about the last 2 nights of sex chats WITHOUT giving away exactly how I know?
All I could say is that when she used to chat on facebook, shes type a bit for a message, and do something else. Now, I can hear her typing FURIOUSLY at night, going back and forth. You can almost tell when she's getting more and more excited.
I'm scared to give away the one true ace in the hole that I have.
What I could do is tell her the wireless router fried, but block all her network traffic using the admin panel of the router. Then she couldn't use her laptop to do this.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Well I talked to her mom about it, and got 2000% assurance that the news would stay between the parents.
Her mom was so shocked and disgusted.
I then told my family.
Now I am wanting to just let the 2 men know that I know what has happened, and how irresponsible of them it was. NO threats, nothing of that sort. Just a good honest dressing down of how they could have been better men.
Anyone think that is an extremely bad idea? I'm thinking the current guy she is involved with might lose his interest and magic should he find out I know EVERYTHING.
Let's say the kind of job he has HIGHLY FROWNS on adultery, affairs ect.
As for the first guy, I am hesitant about contacting his wife. I may contact HIM directly, and see if he will admit to it. If he is honest I will ASSURE him I won't tell his wife. He is not currently involved with my wife, but should he become again, I will in fact expose him and protect his wife.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
One of my fave pieces of intel was a nifty little Sony voice-activated recorder with a USB patch -- like $60 at CircuitCity, as I recall. Same thing as your deal -- able to quickly offload the recordings, then listen to (and archive) them later at my convenience. Burned them to CD, too, and used a particularly damning, "scoped" version that I called "Smoking Gun" for my re-confrontation with my wife on Day 60.
Puppy, does this Sony VAR have a USB drive for memory or some other solid state high capacity storage device, or it uses tapes? How long does it last between chargings? Also does this VAR have a tie into a landline phone system?
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
My GPS system:
And about a $40, pay-as-you-go BoostMobile phone, with all of its sounds turned off (and a little piece of black electrical tape over its speaker, just in case), charged up and placed into my son's baseball gear bag (it was offseason) in the trunk of her car.
You can buy an app from BoostMobile called "MapQuest Find Me" for about five bucks per month, and then just add minutes as you need them (you'll hardly need them at all, since you won't be calling the phone or making any calls with it). BINGO -- a sub-$50 GSP unit.
The program is really good. It worked about 90-95% of the time, although I did have to take the phone out and re-charge it every couple of nights, and then get it back into the trunk without my wife catching me. Then I just logged on to a secure website, and I could "see" where her car was (this was legal, as the car was in my name and I paid for it). You can even set e-mail "alerts" when the phone comes within "X" distance of any predetermined location, so, for example, when her car was within 100 yards of OM's house, I'd get an e-mail.
You could always "extend" the phone charger so it is getting charged off the car's electrical system. The every several days recharge idea is a good one as well.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Saves your time and worry with constant snooping, and the screen-shots make GREAT stocking-stuffers for your attorney.
Puppy
I also wanted to add to it discrete or very small camera's which can do motion, and transmit to the internet. The camera's are triggered by sound or motion. I'm hearing there are some really tiny ones these days, and discrete.
