Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

So I still see positive signs from my W but strongly suspect she is seeing OM#1 again every other weekend when she does not have our S9. I have not snooped and quite honestly I don't plan to do so plus it would be hard at best to find anything out. He lives 2 hours away and also has a beach house and I suspect her weekends "off" are spent at the beach with him.

I have reached a level of detatchment that has allowed me to accept this possiblity without causing me pain anymore. I know I am competing with something or someone, and if she is going to come back then I have to be the more "attractive" choice.

If in fact she is with OM#1, I am pretty sure that R will eventually reach its end. I know that any R with OM#1 would be doomed at best b/c the kids (especially D13) would never accept him. Question is how long will it take my W to realize that enough to end it herself?

I have resolved myself to continue to try as best I can to be friendly with her. I am trying to keep things positive with her but as time goes on I have to consider some financial issues which when discussed with her tend to cause friction between us. I have been carrying her on my health ins and paying for her car ins since Nov 09 when she stopped contributing any money towards maintenance of the house or the kids. I know this is cake eating but if I had the means I would continue to do so until we get D, if that is what happens. I still feel the need to care for my W's well being, eventually I will have to drop her and I will need to talk to her about it.

We seem to be on a 2 week cycle that I am trying to currently break. Things are good between us the week before she has our S9 for the weekend and then the following week, I can feel the distance and cold she puts between us just like she did in the beginning pre-bomb. It is almost as if she doesn't want to even face me or communicate before she is about to be with OM. After her weekend "off" things go back to open and friendly again.

I am not trying to guess what she is thinking or feeling, just trying to interpret her actions so that I do not experience any emotions that would get in the way of me acting in a consistent manner towards her. I am hoping that I can build that trust back with her where she will start to open up to me about her feelings again.

I have conquered the pain from the thoughts of her with OM but I still struggle with the patience part. I experience a positive baby step, or she will stick her head out of the tunnel and I want to grab her hand and jerk her the rest of the way out but it backfires and she retreats.

I can't remember who said it on here but they likened it to trying to get a squirrel to eat out of your hand. You have to calmly hold out your hand very quietly and slowly (very slowly) the squirrel will come to you. If the squirrel takes a step towards you and you get excited and get up to move closer then the squirrel gets scared and runs back up into the tree.

I guess this summer will be spent trying to feed the squirrel.