The sooner you stop trying to figure it out and start accepting reality the better. It took me a long time as well. Everyone's processing time is different.
You are in shock; this could and most likely will last for years. Instead of asking why start asking yourself why not. Why not just accept it and meet her where she is at?
You can not control the situation as much as you would like to. The longer you try the longer your process will take. Just let it go and use this time to figure out what you REALLY want and need. Not what you THINK you want.
When it first happens it feels like you are gasping for air and the only way to breath is to be married to your WAS. Soon you will realize that you will be able to breath long deep breaths as soon as you stop gasping.
