Rollin', rollin', rollin'

[sage]

Karen -- I know you're feeling low right now and I'm sorry about that!

I would love to take a break, but I don't know if there is such a thing right now. I feel like I constantly have to "work." I have asked him to help make decisions for what to do or to help plan the eve's and he doesn't. He feels content sitting on the couch and I don't. I ask what he wants for dinner he says he doesnt' care. Then I say how about this and he vetoes it. He asks what I want to do and then says no. I can't f'in win. I am soooo tired of this!! He often says that he doesn't feel like making a decision. I rarely get to say that! I've tried talking to him about this, I've tried making a game out of it...

well...of course you can take a break! Reread this paragraph and see how much effort you're putting into this! No wonder you're exhausted!

You ask him what he wants to eat/do and he says he doesn't care.

You say "how about this?" and he says no.

He asks you what you want to do and then vetoes it.

all this is around trying to get fed? have fun?

What if instead of going round and round you said:

Do you have anything in mind for dinner?

No.

OK. I'm going to make XYZ, can I make you some?

Then....go make XYZ.

Same thing with going out...

Did you have any ideas about what to do tonight?

I don't care.

OK...I'm going to see movie "xyz" would you like to join me?

Yes or no...go anyway.

I'm not trying to make this sound like I do this perfectly...I sure don't! But it sounds like you guys are stuck in a pretty frustrating cycle here.

I'm starting to feel sick. I hardly slept last night. I just want to go home. I've just been sitting in my cube crying. I don't have $ for xmas presents. And I'm supposed to take a test for work that I get reimbursed for but have to front the money. & I have no credit...

I'm sorry about all of this...all that work and $ and illness stuff all at the same time! No wonder you want to go home...so how about a relaxing evening at home where you don't try to figure out just what h wants? But where you do something that will be comforting to you?

I wish I could talk to him w/o it becoming a fight. All he hears is "you're an @sshole." and that's NOT what I'm trying to say!

So....don't talk about it...change your end of the dynamic.

So, how do I NOT feel alone?? I cannot count on family. I have few close friends. I go to church sparingly.

I don't know....what makes you feel GOOD, Karen? What activities and interactions energize you?

Sage