Sorry Mr. Cool, I see now how my quoting you could be seen as taking things out of context.
My whole point was that men are not as 'picky' about anniversaries and we girls are, and tend to remember only the major ones. Since Karen was all worried about the anniversary of their first date, I thought it likely to be something her H would not consider extremely important... Wedding anniversaries tend to superseed those... The ghost I aluded to was worrying about that particular anniversary each year and making it into a contention issue... for a week before the actual date. I used to do that in the early years of my M (and look where this and other similar behaviors got me )...
And Karen herself confirmed my hunch in her post...
Again, I apologize for the confusion. I need to proof read my posts before I hit that button...
To you Karen, I just want to say that you have been smart enough to recognize the danger in your M and your communication patterns in time to avoid the kind of severe pain and damage that we see so often in the BB. And you have set out to fix it. You have done a great job in this little time: you have every right to be very proud of yourself.
Just keep doing a great job and be patient... everything will come at its proper time. You are having a bit of a down, but tomorrow will be a better day!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Karen -- I know you're feeling low right now and I'm sorry about that!
Quote: I would love to take a break, but I don't know if there is such a thing right now. I feel like I constantly have to "work." I have asked him to help make decisions for what to do or to help plan the eve's and he doesn't. He feels content sitting on the couch and I don't. I ask what he wants for dinner he says he doesnt' care. Then I say how about this and he vetoes it. He asks what I want to do and then says no. I can't f'in win. I am soooo tired of this!! He often says that he doesn't feel like making a decision. I rarely get to say that! I've tried talking to him about this, I've tried making a game out of it...
well...of course you can take a break! Reread this paragraph and see how much effort you're putting into this! No wonder you're exhausted!
You ask him what he wants to eat/do and he says he doesn't care.
You say "how about this?" and he says no.
He asks you what you want to do and then vetoes it.
all this is around trying to get fed? have fun?
What if instead of going round and round you said:
Do you have anything in mind for dinner?
No.
OK. I'm going to make XYZ, can I make you some?
Then....go make XYZ.
Same thing with going out...
Did you have any ideas about what to do tonight?
I don't care.
OK...I'm going to see movie "xyz" would you like to join me?
Yes or no...go anyway.
I'm not trying to make this sound like I do this perfectly...I sure don't! But it sounds like you guys are stuck in a pretty frustrating cycle here.
Quote: I'm starting to feel sick. I hardly slept last night. I just want to go home. I've just been sitting in my cube crying. I don't have $ for xmas presents. And I'm supposed to take a test for work that I get reimbursed for but have to front the money. & I have no credit...
I'm sorry about all of this...all that work and $ and illness stuff all at the same time! No wonder you want to go home...so how about a relaxing evening at home where you don't try to figure out just what h wants? But where you do something that will be comforting to you?
Quote: I wish I could talk to him w/o it becoming a fight. All he hears is "you're an @sshole." and that's NOT what I'm trying to say!
So....don't talk about it...change your end of the dynamic.
Quote: So, how do I NOT feel alone?? I cannot count on family. I have few close friends. I go to church sparingly.
I don't know....what makes you feel GOOD, Karen? What activities and interactions energize you?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm moving. Let's see how long it takes Pam to get there... New thread: Fun in My Future...
((Sage, Pam, Opt, LO, CHL)), Thanks for being here! Yes, I feel low. Blech pooey...
So, there is a light...H called to see how I was coming on his fam' xmas shopping and he asked again what I want. Why does he keep asking? We had talked about splitting the cost and getting each other a digital camera but recently he said that his mother was possibly going to get one for him for xmas and his bday. I told him he could share it with me. He said he planned on sharing it anyway and had picked one with features on it with me in mind that he knew I would like that he would have no idea what to do with.
Quote: OK. I'm going to make XYZ, can I make you some?
Then....go make XYZ
If I come home w/groceries and say I'm making x, he is ok with it. (I don't make stuff I KNOW that he dislikes and I try new stuff sometimes.)
Quote: OK...I'm going to see movie "xyz" would you like to join me?
I would like to be able to do this. This requires balls. (excuse my potty mouth).
Oh, I forgot I was moving. I'll continue over there! Got the u-haul! karen
)...
