And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

I was sitting in front of the computer bawling yesterday evening after reading Eric's post on his own thread about his kids. It really hit me that what I hate most about this whole situation is the time I have to arbitrarily spend away from them. Not that I was the type to stay home all the time or anything, but it just feels so stupid to not be able to go home or say goodnight or chat with them about their days. Anyway ... as I was sitting there in my tears feeling sorry for myself I got a text from H (at 7pm)...

H: What are you at tonight? Wanna drop of my meds and say good night to the kids?
ME: (after about 5 mins) Just finishing something ... what time will they be going in?
H: S2 is going in within 15 mins. Really want to smoke!!
ME: K, be there in a few ... you're doing great!

Maybe I should have not answered or been 'busy', but it felt like a sign ... felt like just what I needed ...

I went down and spent an hour or so with them, reading stories, chatting etc and even helped tuck them in (all without stepping on H's toes .. deferred all questions to him etc). Chatted with H for a minute and then left. Not that I wanted to. I wanted to stay, and seduce him. What is with that? It's been two weeks since we were together and it seems like it's all I can think about. I catch him looking and peeking ... and Sat morning when he came down to wake me up he sat really close and brushed against me (totally not necessary) ... but other than that, he hasn't made any concrete moves. MC said that since he was the one feeling pressure, if we were going to have sex then he should be the one to initiate it - it might feel like pressure coming from me. Arrrggggg, I am so frustrated!

Then to top it off I got a text from H at 9:35 that said "you alone?" (actually I didn't hear it and didn't get it until 10:05 ... at which time I replied "yeah, why?" ... and got no answer. Figured he fell asleep so I went and wrote in my "Dear H" journal and then went to sleep. Woke at 11:30 to a thump downstairs (I was at my parents - damn dog!) and then at 11:32 I get a text from H that says "you awake?" I answer "yeah" and he says "I dozed off, didn't get your reply ... I'm gonna call". So he did ... and chatted about the internet usuage he noticed by my 13 year old brother (he must have snuck to our house instead of going to school on Monday - after the year we've had we're all pretty worried about him, seems to have some real anger issues). Said good night and went to sleep. Tossed and turned all night. Negative - was hoping he wanted to 'talk' to me ... positive - he's still invested in and cares about my extended family.

PEI