I am sorry to hear you are struggling with what to do.
Do you feel detached?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
On another site, I was told that my H deals with life transitions poorly and since this is the second time he has handled it with an A...I do worry that it could happen again. Also, IF he makes it through and comes home, that I should have him seek counseling to learn better coping skills. If your H's have done this before, that might be something to think about for you guys too.
For now, I do not plan to push the D. Am going to sit on it for awhile longer...we are only about 10mos in since the bomb...wow, can't believe that it has been that long...
NM...
In a way, I think I must truly be detaching as I am able to see the things that I didn't like about H and our M and the way he treated me but this is the way he has been since his last life transition. He needs to finish this to become a better person. Yes, there are many things that I miss but I don't seem to think about them as much!
Being on the boards has been very helpful and comforting. We all seem to go thru these ups and downs and it is good to come here for help getting through the downs and for different opinions and sometimes someone will post something very insightful and amazing and we do need that!!!! Taking a break once in awhile is a good thing too!!! Please check in once in awhile!!!
I seem to do ok for awhile and then my impatience at the whole situation kicks up! Have I said one of the things I need to work on for myself is patience?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I seem to do ok for awhile and then my impatience at the whole situation kicks up! Have I said one of the things I need to work on for myself is patience?
i hear ya! this is definitely tough but you have really been doing well through this whole process. i admire your PMA and it's normal to have down days once in a while...as long as you don't get stuck there. (i need to say this to myself too!)
CW - Hi, I wanted to stop by your thread and give you my support. Reading up on what's happening and I just wanted to you to know that you are in my thoughts as well.
Take Care
((((HUGS))))
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Mila and Twink On another site, I was told that my H deals with life transitions poorly and since this is the second time he has handled it with an A...I do worry that it could happen again. Also, IF he makes it through and comes home, that I should have him seek counseling to learn better coping skills. If your H's have done this before, that might be something to think about for you guys too.
Thanks, CW. I have thought about that, and it would be one of the conditions of H's return. I have deep doubts that he would agree, though. All the more reason for me to keep moving forward.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
CW - I 100% agree that our guys need counseling to repair whatever is broken in them that allows them to repeat the same destructive patterns. I wish that my H went and got some help after the first affair 20 years ago...maybe this one wouldn't have happened.
It would be quite different to deal with this MLC if there was no betrayal. It would be probably easier to be understanding and supportive.....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hi Pandora...good to see you! Thanks for the kudo's!!!
DU!!! Happy to have you stop by and I will take those thoughts and hugs!!! We can do this sweetie!!!
Twink and Mila...
Twink, my H doesn't beleive in any kids of counseling either but I sure hope that if/when he comes through the tunnel that he will realize that he needs it!
If it is true that when they come out changed...then hopefully they will not object!
Being a little overwhelmed with everything....having a hard time keeping up with it all...yard, garden, running kids here and there....I can go to work tomorrow to rest...lol!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I agree that C is needed, but perhaps even more, a genuine desire to change as evidenced by observable changes in their lives. I am kind of a geek and have been reading a lot of books/journal articles about brain networks and how to change destructive behavioral patterns since my XH dropped the bomb. Long story short, psychotherapy is the most effective way to alter brain networks associated with certain psych diagnoses, including post-traumatic stress syndrome and panic attacks.
Even if the D is finalized, changes can still occur in your H. I am 21 months post-bomb and 6 months post-D. It's very odd, but I feel as though my XH is beginning to poke his head out of the tunnel a bit here and there. He has been letting down his guard with me and I think even finds comfort in our friendship. God and the universe has really brought a lot of significant challenges into his life since he left that have begun to humble him a bit. I have been consistently loving to him throughout this time. I think that this is the key.
Keep putting one step in front of the other and be grateful for every day you are given.
