Well, D16 came home this evening and told me about her presentation and how disappointed she was at only getting a B+ after staying up till 3:00 am working on it. I looked at her, walked over, put my arms around her and she burst into tears. We just stood there holding each other. I said "I'm sorry, it must be very frustrating for you after all that work" after a few minutes I said "it must have been even harder trying to study and having your mean father yelling at you, I'm sorry" She said "that's OK, it's just I try so hard to please this teacher and I feel like I'm never good enough" Whew! I said "I know that's how you feel right now but that teacher is just one person, his opinion does not make you "good" or "bad". Maybe you could sit down with him and ask what it is you could do to improve your performance in his class, sometimes we concentrate on one thing while the teacher is looking for another. It might help to talk to him about it." Anyway, she dried her tears and all was well for the rest of the night. She works so hard and I told her how proud I was of her, no matter what the mark she got! Personally, a B+ would have put me into orbit with joy when I went to school but my kid is more her mom than me sometimes!
How nice of you wii! She's a lucky kid to have you for a dad.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
It's scary when the rage implodes on those who are closest and often most vulnerable. For both parties. But more so for the child.
Home is supposed to be safe. Parents are supposed to be adults. Kids are not emotional punching bags.
Take ownership of your anger. Identify the trigger. Take time and openly apologize for your anger, lashing out at her because of your own issues. Be human. Then listen to her, don't talk.
Look at how hard she worked for a teacher when she feels inadequate. Imagine the effort she puts in to the parents she loves.
Thanks guys, I did my best and felt good about the outcome. For my girl to feel secure enough in my arms to just stand there and cry means the world too me. When I tried to let go she just grabbed me back again. My trigger the previous night was my own frustration, as I had been feeling good for a couple of days and then... bang...felt like crap again. When D started making demands that didn't fit with my need to get rest and ready for work (which I'd missed for five days) I kind of lost it. This kind of thing happens maybe once a year and I always talk about it with my girls, apologize, discuss why it happened and admit that it was unexcusable for me to behave that way. I've always been able to own up to my human failings, I see it as part of being a good role model, we all cant be perfect, make mistakes and own up to them. Again, I rarely lose my temper with the kids, STBX is the pro...she loses it frequently and carries on like a child. But, that's her trip, not mine.
It happens. Not that it is an excuse but it is a reality. So hard to watch every moment. I don't remember my Dad ever apologizing when he got mad at me. So the fact that you do, speaks volumes.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Now that you aren't feeling so sick, waht are your thoughts of asking that girl out? Just remember it doesn't have to be a long term thing. It could be just for coffee, tea or whatever you drink. Just get to know her and see if you like her. If you don't you have only spent a little time getting to know someone, if you do well there you go.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well, she's pretty sweet...but we live in the same building and I have to drive her mom back and forth to work three days a week. Her mom doesn't like daughter dating "separated" guys. It could be more of a pain than it's worth but then...she's pretty sweet! Ah, forget it, I'd rather date myself...I mean, we have so much in commmon, like all the same things but we're always together which can be a real drawback. I hate fighting with myself,it's so awkward ...who gets to sleep in the other room? Complicated stuff, more thought needed. But she is pretty sweet...
You just don't want to look back and regret it later. I have a friend in Canada that isn't planning on getting divorced unless she plans on remarrying. She is legally separated. I guess the thinking is a bit different here in the States.
I am divorced but it was painful enough finding out your ex who swore he was never going to get married again, is engaged to his affair partner/live in girlfriend. Blech. Feel for my kids.
Me, I just know there is some awesome incredible guy just waiting to meet me!(soon, I hope).
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, I don't want to put myself in an awkward position that ends up causing me more stress and anxiety than it's worth. My previous experience with women is that if they don't want to go out with you or want to stop seeing you they tend to avoid, not return phone calls etc. It's rare that someone is up front. So,this is a situation with someone in my building, whose mother I drive to work a number of times per week. I don't need to feel anymore stress in my day to day existence. But,then again having a fun evening out with someone I've known and whose company I enjoy might just be fine. I dunno, no rush.
