Good grief! OK, TBH, my H is not a typical man. My bday and our anniv. are important to him and he does remember. However, he does think that our wedding anniv. supercedes our dating anniv. so that our dating anniv. shouldn't be such a big deal now. Ok, I can deal with that. But, it will always be special to me, and maybe in the future I'll just celebrate w/o him.
Apparently, I'm not doing very well as using this board to hold me accountable. I don't know what happened. In the beginning, it was working great for me. Now I have this "don't care" attitude. Don't care if I mess up, don't care if h gets mad at me, etc. (Well, deep down I really DO care...)
We did not go to the wine thing yesterday. H forgot to call them in the afternoon for details and did not apologize or ask me to call or tell me he would still call. ?? He didn't think that it was a big deal to me and he didn't think that we had plans. ?? major miscommunication. So, we talked, talked too much, talked R talk, talked too much...
He pretty much says that this is whatting I am getting from him right now. He doesn't feel comfortable being the old loving/expressive guy that I used to know. Sometimes he peeks out, but, he says, he'll come back when "he is good and ready." Well, I have accepted responsibility for messing up this r and I'm wondering how long i have to "pay" for it. He is wittholding from me and I just don't think it is fair all of the time.
I know too that I need to be patient. He has been patient with me waiting for a few years for me to change.
But again, I just don't know if I can do this. I want his love and support. I know he is here with me physically and he spends a lot of time with me. Yes, we do snuggle and still ML, he's not with anyone else. But why is it so hard to say those 3 little words? Don't I deserve it??? I feel like I have to do this on my own, but as he says I created this mess, I have to fix it. I'm tired of having the entire burden on my shoulders. I can't be to blame ALL of the time. Sometimes I feel like telling him off. I've given him suggestiongs on how to make things better, but once again, he needs to do them in his time. Then he complains about having strife in our r. I think if he would do some of the things that i ask, I would be less upset, or it would help calm me down. Like if he put his arms around me and said he was sorry or that that wasn't what he meant or something like that. But, he WON'T...
