Disappointing about the ski meeting. Maybe it will work out later. Nice that you were able to enjoy evening with uncle and cousin.
Quote: Not too concerned. Is this ok? I just am not investing that much emotional energy into it. Maybe I can relax a little. ??? woah! look out! who said that?
YOU! You said it!! I think it would be a great idea for you to just relax. It could be very liberating for you.
I think the goal you chose is a good one. Relax, joke around, realize that you don't have to plan and be in control. Repeat with me, relax, relax, relax...
Thanks! Check this out! H is off today and went out to lunch. He was waiting for his food and called to say hi and see how my day is going! He asked what is going on for tonight! I told him that I looked at that bar that's having the wine tasting's website and that it looked like it was going to be reds with some whites and some beer. I prefer whites. So, I asked if he would call up there and ask for more details and ask what kind of food is involved.
I still haven't mentioned the anniversary thing. Is he celebrating? (2 1/2 year wedding/4 year dating-on same exact day) I bought him a silly card that has a pic. inside of a cartoon couple in bed-the girl is all bundled up shivering and the guy is in shorts sweating and it says something like "despite our differences, we were meant for each other..."
That's so sweet that he called you while waiting for lunch. See, he was thinking of you!
Hope things work out for the two of you to have a nice time at the wine tasting tonight.
Personally, I wouldn't mention the anniversary thing. I'd just give him the card and if he doesn't remember what it's for, just tell him that this day is special to you and you wanted to let him know that or something like that.
Another vote for passing on the anniversary thing... plus an opinion from CHL on men and anniversaries in general...
Quote: I know guys are a little different when it comes to anniversaries... To him, it's probably "just another day". What are the things you can do to view it the same way? If you can kick this ghost now, it will help keep it from haunting you every year.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Some anniversaries are important: wedding, birthday... to us. For men in general, they could not care less...
My parents have been married 39 years... my mother always nicely reminds Dad of important anniversaries ahead of time... and he does not remember most of our birthdays...
So far no major problem... and they've survived loss, cancer and accidents together (and put 6 kids through college).
We all need to learn to pick our battles...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Quote: It's a ghost to want to celebrate anniversaries?
karen
Ummmmm.... not really. My quote was taken slightly out of context (I think). If I'm remembering correctly, the quote was in reference to an anniversary related to OW. That's the ghost that was going to haunt every year.
So it may be why I am a bit down. Or it could be that Nov 19 gets closer... the day I got the letter from OW saying my H and her were in love and my opposing a divorce was making their life impossible...
I know guys are a little different when it comes to anniversaries... To him, it's probably "just another day". What are the things you can do to view it the same way? If you can kick this ghost now, it will help keep it from haunting you every year. If you can't cause the date to fade from your mind (the solution I prefer), can you change your view of the day into something like: "Opposing the divorce is making OW's life with H impossible? - I'll show OW impossible... I'll make the 19th a day for me to remind myself that he hasn't left me. I'll DB my heart out and make it an 'epiphany' anniversary. I'm winning."
While it's true that women generally remember dates better than men, I think it's a cop-out reason if men use that as an excuse for not remembering important dates. I'm very bad about dates, so I put them into my organizer. (It's still no guarantee I'll remember, but it helps.)
Yeah I've gone two ways on the "ghost" anniversaries...In Aug on the anniv of Bomb #1 (I'm not ILWY...I want a D...there's no OW) I let myself focus on it, CJ didn't clue in to the significance of the date FOR ME...until after (and I was all bummed out).
What I wanted was some kind of gesture, some consoling, something!!
What he wanted and said so, was to NOT let these dates become a smear on our R...So the anniv of Bomb #2 (OW calls here asking when CJ's moving cross country to move into "their" apartment ) was at the end of Nov (not exactly sure of the date!!!) and I just let that one ride.
Might of mentioned it on the bb, but that was it.
I'm hoping that Feb 25th ...hard to forget that on as it was my Niece's 18th birthday...bomb #3...(she's STILL in the picture and calls again after CJ finally breaks it off)...will be more of a celebration...a year with her out of our lives!!!
But I'll settle for a nice 19th birthday celebration for L.
As for the legit anniv's...well CHL, CJ USED To buy me a gift and card for each MONTH we were together until we got married!!
Mr. Memory would never "forget" our anniv or my birthday (it was his Dad's too)...do I sound a bit bitter about his memory???
Any ways, I'm way off track now!!! Late night neural firing!
Good grief! OK, TBH, my H is not a typical man. My bday and our anniv. are important to him and he does remember. However, he does think that our wedding anniv. supercedes our dating anniv. so that our dating anniv. shouldn't be such a big deal now. Ok, I can deal with that. But, it will always be special to me, and maybe in the future I'll just celebrate w/o him.
Apparently, I'm not doing very well as using this board to hold me accountable. I don't know what happened. In the beginning, it was working great for me. Now I have this "don't care" attitude. Don't care if I mess up, don't care if h gets mad at me, etc. (Well, deep down I really DO care...)
We did not go to the wine thing yesterday. H forgot to call them in the afternoon for details and did not apologize or ask me to call or tell me he would still call. ?? He didn't think that it was a big deal to me and he didn't think that we had plans. ?? major miscommunication. So, we talked, talked too much, talked R talk, talked too much...
He pretty much says that this is whatting I am getting from him right now. He doesn't feel comfortable being the old loving/expressive guy that I used to know. Sometimes he peeks out, but, he says, he'll come back when "he is good and ready." Well, I have accepted responsibility for messing up this r and I'm wondering how long i have to "pay" for it. He is wittholding from me and I just don't think it is fair all of the time.
I know too that I need to be patient. He has been patient with me waiting for a few years for me to change.
But again, I just don't know if I can do this. I want his love and support. I know he is here with me physically and he spends a lot of time with me. Yes, we do snuggle and still ML, he's not with anyone else. But why is it so hard to say those 3 little words? Don't I deserve it??? I feel like I have to do this on my own, but as he says I created this mess, I have to fix it. I'm tired of having the entire burden on my shoulders. I can't be to blame ALL of the time. Sometimes I feel like telling him off. I've given him suggestiongs on how to make things better, but once again, he needs to do them in his time. Then he complains about having strife in our r. I think if he would do some of the things that i ask, I would be less upset, or it would help calm me down. Like if he put his arms around me and said he was sorry or that that wasn't what he meant or something like that. But, he WON'T...
I think it would be a great idea for you to just relax. It could be very liberating for you.
It's a ghost to want to celebrate anniversaries? 
