Some people in al anon have told me that some spouses do feel very betrayed and do say things like what I said.
Sorry - what I meant was short, sweet, and accepting that your choices may have helped him choose his. A 9 page letter is an essay in love, not a directed apology and acceptance of his (poor?) decision to consider leaving.
ONMT you were correct about this! DB coach told me to do this
Last Thursday I spoke with DB Jody. She went through our dating and married life. She told me what he told me when we would fight. Told me he felt "controlled", "ashamed", "emasculated".....everything he would tell me. She told me I was the WAS for a long time. Also told me about the crying and pleading beforehand and 9 page letter was pursuing. Which I knew already. The short convos are good BUT I should be answering his calls. He wants a divorce because he has and wants his "pride back". I need to show him the old me. Not the "bitch' that does not answer. I need to be friendly, ask him "ok...anything else, etc..."
Basically I have three steps for Stage 1 1)Let him know that I "get it" I understand what he was trying to tell me. I acknowledge what I was. She told me word for word what to write to him in a short 3 paragraph letter and to mail it to him. Not pursuing but acknowledging , dropping the rope, and letting him know he'll be a great father because he has "a lot to contribute"
2) Give him space. He has OW. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to show him how attractive I can be through our phone calls.
3) Work on own happiness. Continue therapy, going to church, GAL'ing, etc....
Because I sent him text Tuesday and found resume on cd and emailed him, she told me to call him back. I did. I don't know how it went. I don't know.
This was Thursday Him- Hey Me- Hey how are you? Him- Good Me- Good. Just calling to let you know I emailed you your resume. I know you don't check your email that often. Him-It's alright. Spoke to friend. He emailed me his Me- o ok. Just letting you know I did as well. You also have mail here I will mail up Him- ok..I still didn't get credit card (effin credit card drama won't go away) How did you send it Me- no? I sent it certified like everything else. Let me see if I can find receipt and I'll let you know. Him- k Me- How's work up there Him- still looking Me- I know..how's farm work though? Horses? him- it ok Me- its so hot here. It must be beautiful up there him- it was cloudy but sun came out 2 hours ago me- nice well again ok...I'm gonna run then he interrupted me and said him- Why are you going around telling people you're pregnant me- Family have called me. They've known already. You told them and they called me, I told both sides of mine. You know I won't keep secrets. I just want many prayers for baby. him- what are your motives me- no motives H. i truly want as many prayers for baby as possible him- and why are you going around telling you I was "going around with a blonde" who told you that? me- Well i don't want to fight about that. quite a few people up there told me that him- That's right. I'm done. I;m done with fighting (meaning done w me. said this angrily) me- that's great....he interrupted and said him- that's great? trying to imply i was being sarcastic me- Yes that's great. We should not fight. Worry about your recovery.Congrats on 100t days of sobriety. him- thanks me Well Im going to go.I'll let you know about certified mail. Have a beautiful day.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
