Look, One of the things that is preached by Michelle is to do what works.
That can be applied to just about everything in life...
It's good that you have noticed that listening to other people isn't working for you.
If you can look at the progress.....That was a step.
Alienating people happens throughout this process.
Family wants so badly to see you NOT hurt anymore....
And friends can be selfish, and just want the "old" you back. They don't want to see you hurt either.
Not everyone needs to be "cut out: of your life though.
True friends will be the ones who say...R, How can I support you ?
Look for those people around you.
With that though, will be a sense of you becoming who you need to be right now. It's not even a want anymore. It is a need to be on your own to find out who you are.
I sense that you lost so much of you throughout your marriage, and sold your soul to the marriage. And it is such a struggle to find out who that person really is.
I have seen you doubt everything in your life around you.
Everything that you thought that you knew, you are finding out that it was a sacrifice of sorts of who you really were/are.
Everything that you just came through, that patch of doubting God and your role as a human....
Realistically, was THE BEST thing that could have happened for YOU ....
Your worst fears in life have come true, The thing you feared the most....
You stared down..
And look Destiny, you are still here...This has not done you in..
It caused you to dig deep, and really look inside of you for you.
I see a strength in you that you don't right now...
And as much as you feel you want to fight it.....
The human quest for life ( and everything that entails) has won inside of you...
This is a building tool for you....you took a MAJOR step over the past three weeks ....
Where you see despair, I see hope...
Where you see weakness, I see strength...
Where you see a backslide, I see growth inside...
Destiny, Not everything is as it appears ....
Your focus still comes through your marriage....
My focus is on you...
One subtle tweak, and your outlook changes...
Try to focus on you, and the glass becomes half full...
Be patient with yourself now...
Find the things YOU enjoy and DO THEM !
Find out who you are now, and live ....
IF your Husband comes back, then that is fine...
If he doesn't.....that is fine too...
Because YOU.....will be Destiny for you, not him...
Thanks Mach - It is was not harsh at all. It was blunt and sometimes I need it. I didn't have much planned this weekend. However, I got up and went for a run and a did a few fitness exercises. Felt good. I still have some yard work to do including repainting my outdoor rocking chairs. So I have a few things to keep me busy.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
It's Sunday I have thought a lot over the last day about me. Over the course of the last 5 months, I never thought I could make it without my H. I have cried, begged, been hospitalized, and made myself the victim of him leaving, his affair, and his MLC. While I have been able to make it (yes, I am still here); a huge part of me still hopes that our M could be rebuilt.
The one thing that hurts the most is that he CHOOSE to leave. I have been so bent on keeping our chains linked, that I have ignored doors opening on other fronts. Am I having an epiphany? - No, just beginning to understand myself more and more each day.
I am also beginning to accept the fact that I am not suppose to be with my H. I must continue to grow apart from my marriage and begin to focus on me each day moving forward. Maybe I will begin to muster hope for my future soon.
Again, thank you all.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I have bottled up my feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and insecurity for years. I know this and trying to deal with this through discussions with my IC. However, I should have started these IC visits long before I met my H. I still have issues with my mother and family that I have swept under the carpet because I did not want to have the difficult discussions about my abuse and what I believed my family knew and did nothing about.
I know that this, along with other faults, communication, and partnership, played a part in the decline of my marriage. Why? Because I controlled a lot in our relationship. In addition, I wanted to separate myself apart from my family and for years, I did this, but as my mother grew older and needed medical support, I was drawn back into what I called “the chaos” and reminded of the pain we all endured. I wanted my H to attend sessions when this really began to affect me personally but he was already “moving on” from the marriage. I think my H wanted to help, really, but he didn’t know how – there wasn’t anything tangible he could do, nothing mechanical he could fix.
And he was starting his crisis. So in essence, we both were experiencing a phase of our lives that seem to drift us apart. While I think that there would have been an opportunity for us to build a better marriage from these ashes, my dear H believes that we do not make a good pair. This is how he feels and he will not change his mind. He just returned last week from a month of Army training in SC and is leaving for overseas this Friday. Today, he stopped by and told me that he is not coming back to me and he is moving forward with the D. However, he said he can’t do anything until he returns. This still hurts like hxll.
I have made my share of mistakes along the way and I wish I could go back a reverse those mistakes. I am a little unsure about trekking the unknown future alone.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU - You are sounding much stronger...strong enough to look inside you and to start dealing with those issues...and that's exactly what you have to do to get even better.
Maybe your H being deployed is a good thing right now, it will give him time and space to examine his own feelings...and you can use the time to work on you...and when he comes back you will be a new woman
Start the work DU...I know that you can do it
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
We all made mistakes in hindsight. We did what we knew, what we grew up with, what we could do at the time based on the information we had. Now we have a chance to learn more, shed the bad parts of our legacy, and learn new, healthier ways of relating to those around us. Don't beat yourself up. When you learn more, you will do better, with or without your H.
We have all been unsure of the trek alone in the beginning. Give it some time. Do the work. You will get stronger. You will be OK.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
I figured I would provide everyone with an update on my sitch. I wasn't even sure if I would return because I WAS (past tense) been having such a difficult time.
Yesterday was an absolutely "angry" day for me. I am not sure I reached the angry stage, but I was UPSET and wanting revenge for my H having put me through all of this. But I realize and know now that "angry" and vendictive person is not me. I came home last night and prayed and woke up this morning "renewed". I have been reading the Power of a Praying Wife and it has provided me with a truly different and transforming perspective.
This is the update: My H called me from overseas this afternoon. He wanted to talk about us!! I could not believe it; He said that he has been thinking and that the idea of us reconciling was appealing because it would remove any worry he had about me asking about reconciliation.
However, he then said that he questioned whether that was a reason to reconcile. We then talked about our finances and agreed that two incomes are better than one, but it was also NOT a reason to reconcile. He wanted me to tell him about my life since he left. I told him that I was LIVING and DISCOVERING me. Then he asked me something completely out of the blue - he asked whether "we" should wait until next summer to hire someone to fix/rebuild our front porch. "We can wait until next year, right honey?"
What was that? Now he says he needs to think more about reconciliation. Is this a good thing?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
