Most of the spew that sometimes comes our way contains a mixture of truth and untruth, along with balancing ratios that are often way out of whack for just how much significance the truthful parts played in the demise of the relationship.

Trying to figure out exact proportions will make you mad.

On the other hand, it is useful to ask yourself the tough questions about how much of what a spouse (or ex-spouse) says to you is true. Even better if you can use the truthful parts to send you down the road to positive change.


The opposite of love is not hate. I'm sure you've heard this before. The opposite of love is indifference. Your ex is clearly not indifferent towards you. In fact, based upon what you've written since the divorce finalized, I would say she is having every bit as tough a time as you, if not more so.


I find that interesting.


Of course it's better for ME to find it interesting right now than YOU.


I wrote you not so long ago and advised that you should try to aim for honesty and truthfulness in all that you do. I was not suggesting that you were generally dishonest. Fact is that post-divorce it is very difficult to know how to deal with an ex-spouse. If you are still in love, you could easily vascillate between being (dishonestly) detached and ignore them, and continuing to pursue, pursue, pursue.


Neither extreme is very good for either of you.


Honesty is pretty refreshing however. And it carries with it the added benefit of not having to fake a feeling or emotion.


If there is any part of you that continues to entertain the hope of a reconciliation one day, I don't think now is the time to shut her out of your life with false detachment, or any other false statements about being way over her. Not that I recall you doing this of course. Just saying that leaving the door open by being honest and treating your ex with what is honestly inside of you allows that door to stay slightly ajar.


I have to tell you that the little bit you share of her really sounds to me like a woman who is evalating the path she thought she needed to head down.


Maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe your future is with another. I'm pretty sure that for you, it's way too early to tell.


Healing and accepting the marriage being over is your emotionnal path right now. But healing from a cut doesn't mean that we'll never use a knife again, eh?



Hang in there Chief.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."