Exposed finally,,limbo land

[gutwrenching]

'I just don't have those feelings', & 'OM has nothing to do with our problems', even 'I should have left a long time ago'?

That is classic script from WAW in EA. I've gotten all of those many times, and as recent as a few days ago.

Suggest: validating it will not be easy to gain feeling back and although you wish she didn't feel that way, you understand.

Validate OM had nothing to do with root problems however if she is giving him her emotional energy, then she is not putting everything she needs too into rebuilding your family, so he might not have anything to do with problems and he needs to not have anything to do with solutions.

As far as you should have left a long time ago, either ignore it or something along the lines of you are choosing to work on marriage and are not ready to quit trying at this point.

I'm no vet - just someone who is dealing with and has been dealing with the same thing...

You can do this, stay calm, in the end you will feel better for getting everything out, open, and on the table.