Finding thanks and gratitude

[whatisis]

It takes a while to make sure you are looking for a R and not validation. I think that's often why guys are quick to grab onto a new R, it makes them feel like men again. I'm into year three separated and am not in a place where dating makes sense to me. I need to be in a place where I am content with myself and my life and am therefore dating out of desire for a companion and not trying to complete myself with someone else. Besides, dating again after twenty years scares the hell out of me!

[catfan]

So a bit more than a month since my last post. I seem to go in spurts I guess. The latest on my relationship is that on NYE, well NYD since it was 2 am, we broke up. It was bittersweet in so many ways but not a "done" type of break up. Lots of discussion was about how we felt about one another. But the key part was how she really needed to continue on the healing path. There clearly is deep, deep caring in both of us and we even talked about it. For me, it's love plain and simple. For her, I don't think she can see it that deeply yet because she can't see past the drama of her own situation right now. She really wants to and even said so. She wants to be healthy, wants to have someone but also wants some freedom to be herself. Baggage from the previous marriage where he wouldn't let her be herself too much.

We've continually talked, texted, IMed and such but only every few days. She really was in a bad, bad place emotionally and needed to focus on herself. But after 3 weeks she's starting to find some footing which is nice to see.

Tonight she stopped by to see a framed picture I have in the living room. I bought it back in October when we were visiting my brother. I recently had it framed and she wanted to see it. From there we went to a friend's going away party and had a great time. People noticed the connection we still have and commented to me on it. Give it time was a common bit of advice.

So here I am, sitting at home thinking how much stronger my heart is today. How much that strength is making letting go of someone you love, easier to do. I find myself doing DBing things without even thinking about it, without even having that agenda. That's nice to see in myself, nice to see I have that kind of strength again. Side note, while driving home on NYE after our 2 hour discussion I was full of this joyful, loving feeling. I thought how odd it was to feel so good after that discussion. I left that discussion knowing how much I cared for her and she for me.

I won't lie, I hope we find ourselves together again. Shoot she even said that to me last week. I'm not sitting here praying and desperate for reconnection. But reconnecting sure would be nice.

A friend reminded me again, it's all a timing thing. How true that really is, how true.

Now to really let the cat out of the bag. Before this all started to unravel back in late November I started thinking much further ahead then her. I had come to the decision that if we kept on the very positive path that were were on that I'd start bring up the life together subject in the spring. Yes the thought and vision of being married to her crossed my mind. Not something that would happen in the near term but I could see us together long term. Now a month and a half later there are things I look back on and realize she may have started to see that in me and us. I have been wondering if that was a part of the catalyst for her backing away for now. Hmm...

Well to follow my mother's advice, "Catfan, if you really like her, take it slow. Take it slow so she can catch up to you. No need to rush things. If she likes you, she'll be back." It's a timing thing and hopefully I can be strong enough so our timing does become right.

[cat03]

all the best your way catfan, if this is the person for you I pray that God opens that door for you...

and now... tada! I seriously started thinking of dating... got back on match.com... i'm honestly aprehensive of being on a 'date'... i'ts been 2yrs since the legal sep.I got a few responses in teh three days free trial, lol, 2 guys emailed me and others 'winked' at me... to many, i don't want to be a cyber slut, he he, so i took my prof down and are emailing back and forth with 2. Have only dated x in my whole life, this is sooo new to me, not sure how i feel if/when i go on an actual date.
i dont' want to jump the gun, i pray to God that he sends me the right personl...

sorry for the hijack!

[catfan]

Hey Cat, So you ventured out, eh? I'm not a fan of match.com. I found there to be too much deception, overselling and really flaky people there. I was really surprised at how many are shallow, self-centered and emotionally immature or heavily damaged. Then again I am talking the late 30s to mid 40s crowd. Most of us are divorced which means baggage. Sadly, I think most in the age group don't get the emotional help they really need to overcome divorce. So it takes them years to recover and yet they dive right back into dating trying to find something to grab hold of, to find solid ground. I can't blame them, been there, done that.

I have done eharmony in the past and found it at least connected me with women where there is some level of compatibility. My problem had been too many were looking to get married sooner rather than later. I guess that's the need for security that most women supposedly have.

As for my stich, she's silent again which I was expecting. I suspect she'll text me either tomorrow or Tuesday, that's been the pattern. The one thing I need to do is work a bit better at the "as if". That was a failing of mine while trying to save my marriage back in 07. Well we all have to have something we need to work on.

[catfan]

Okay this is a little smug but yes, as predicted, ms wonderful texted me this evening under the guise of her 9 year old son having a question about my cars.

Now an admission, yes I liked hearing from her. I did reply but she didn't text back which I suspected would be the case. We are both in a group with an online forum and she replied to one of my threads about single Dads and dealing with daughter's hair. I suggested that the group should have a teaching session for the Dad's on daughter hair styling. Ms Wonderful was quick to offer to assist in teaching.

Push, pull, push, pull. Off to do some DBing.

[catfan]

Not sure what to make of the last week's activities. I decided after her text to initiate contact with Ms Wonderful. Something told me it was just the right thing to do. So we've been texting, IMing, talking ever day and night since. Something has changed and it appears to be for the positive. We'll see I guess. She's coming over on Thursday for dinner and to watch a movie or movies. She's also mentioned doing quite a few things together over the coming weeks too. Hmmm....

[ImprovedRomeo]

catfan, how're you doing? I just started reading my old thread and noticed that you and a few others from those days are still around. Just wanted to say hello and thank you for your support!