Dazed and Confused...Need Advice!!!!

[sandi2]

My heart goes out to you about the negative influence your in-laws have on your W. You have to look at that as being a challeng so that resentment will not turn your heart sour. If they are constantly preaching that she should be the one to wear the pants.....well that is going to be the hardest part, right there. If they just put you down, then it could have the opposite affect from what they wanted her to feel. In other words, I might blow off steam to my mother about how my H is this or that, but if "she" says something negative about him then I don't like it. I know, it's crazy.

I believe respect and sexual attraction is what keeps a woman happy in her M. First,she must respect you before she'll be sexually attracted to you. As long as she is attracted, then I personally believe that other things will take a back seat to that.

So, make sure that she treats you respectfully. If she talks down to you....you stop her right then and call her out on it. If you let her slide, then she will be worse the next time. It is especially important that she shows respect for you in front of others. You need to have something in mind for a consequence whenever she shows disrespect.

Do not get into a war of words over her family. Lay boundaries and expect her to respect them. You do not have to be around her family if they don't treat you right. You should not act like their cat to kick around. You show respect and you talk respectful, but you don't take cr@p off of them. Don't raise your voice, call them names, talk vulgar, etc.

As far as being sexy, well......how did you win her the first time around? Did somebody have to teach you how to act sexy? LOL.....I bet not. But somehow, we tend to forget how to be that way after M. Maybe some need a refresher course.

You know that old saying of how people want what they can't have, a WAW is very much that way. That is why the LBH is often told to go out at night, leaving her alone, and GAL. She sees him all decked out looking sexy and going out. He shows no interest in her. He is polite to her, but he is that way with "everyone". She doesn't seem to be anyone special or important to him. So, she starts to test things. She tries to flirt.....and he doesn't cave. Then she turns on the charm and even iniates sex, and it still doesn't seem to interest him. By now she is really wondering what is going on in his life and she has forgotten about the reasons she was using to leave. He has caused the sexual attraction to rise again!

Most of the LBH's won't hold out long enough. Most are wearing their heart on their sleeve and that is not attractive. Women love men who show strength......especially where the wife is concerned. But, I wonder if men get strength confused with negative things. Showing strength is not showing meaness or abusiveness. It is not being rude & crude. It is standing on one's principles and not giving in to what they believe is wrong.

Women do not want to be treated like a second class citizen, but they do like a man to be the leader God designed him to be. A lot of men are confused about what role they are suppose to have anymore. Think of it as the man being the president and the woman the vise-president.

The one thing that most women seem to think is really sexy is a man who is comfortable in his own skin......self-confidence. From what I've read, men think that about women, too. Can a H who is acting all needy, clingy, and desparate show self-confidence? Nope.

Well, I am a long way from being through with this subject, but this is probably enough for now.

Let me just add this once more, if my H would have acted as if he was dumping "me" when I was focused in on the OM, that EA would have been cut a lot shorter than it was. But, my H tried to smother me with his presence, his affection, saying he loved me (to get me to say it back), etc. All of that just turned me off. It was not sexy at all. See what I am saying?