My Life and Husband's MLC

[DestinyUnknown]

I have bottled up my feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and insecurity for years. I know this and trying to deal with this through discussions with my IC. However, I should have started these IC visits long before I met my H. I still have issues with my mother and family that I have swept under the carpet because I did not want to have the difficult discussions about my abuse and what I believed my family knew and did nothing about.

I know that this, along with other faults, communication, and partnership, played a part in the decline of my marriage. Why? Because I controlled a lot in our relationship. In addition, I wanted to separate myself apart from my family and for years, I did this, but as my mother grew older and needed medical support, I was drawn back into what I called “the chaos” and reminded of the pain we all endured. I wanted my H to attend sessions when this really began to affect me personally but he was already “moving on” from the marriage. I think my H wanted to help, really, but he didn’t know how – there wasn’t anything tangible he could do, nothing mechanical he could fix.

And he was starting his crisis. So in essence, we both were experiencing a phase of our lives that seem to drift us apart. While I think that there would have been an opportunity for us to build a better marriage from these ashes, my dear H believes that we do not make a good pair. This is how he feels and he will not change his mind. He just returned last week from a month of Army training in SC and is leaving for overseas this Friday. Today, he stopped by and told me that he is not coming back to me and he is moving forward with the D. However, he said he can’t do anything until he returns. This still hurts like hxll.

I have made my share of mistakes along the way and I wish I could go back a reverse those mistakes. I am a little unsure about trekking the unknown future alone.