LFA: "so long and thanks for the fish" is from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. Really hysterically funny. I can't remember exactly who/what sitch that sentence comes from, but it sort of summed up how I felt at the time I made the new thread.
Yes, I am totally still beating myself up for the failure of the R. Despite my C, despite you guys, I still see how/what I have lost, what I couldawouldashoulda done differently.
I find myself changing the story (as it I tell it to myself and others) from:
"X dumped me for another woman"
to:
"X made other choices about what would make him happy."
And that really hurts. But I am seeing it is true. X was not happy--for how long? how deeply? we don't know. And then he found someone with whom he felt happier.
Is it real? is it just lust? It's been a year, and they are planning to get married. So I have to assume there is something there.
But it is a real growth/insight to go from "victim" to "just not the right person for X."
It still doesn't give him his half of the blame for the failure, but I do think it is a better way to view the sitch.
Crying a lot today; various social things around him and X that are swirling me around; I cried and "felt" the grief and didn't push it away and didn't die.
I will keep "thinking" "it's not all my fault" and maybe it will eventually turn into believing it and feeling it.
