Forrest, you are the voice of calm in the storm. Thank you so much for your guidance....reading your post really did help to slow my head down a bit.
OK...here we go:
We do not have a legal separation agreement. We have agreed to the two of them living in New England and him attending school there for the last 2 years of my active duty career. This is an informal agreement only.
Questions I have asked that she won't answer? First and foremost I have asked her if we are going to continue counseling and she refuses to answer. She dances around it vaguely but will not say "yes" or "no."
She did say that she is not "ruling out" the "possibility" that I could come stay at the condo "at some time in the future." Again...stringing me along to keep me docile.
She claims the condo arrangement is "temporary" and this is plausible as there are a ton of seasonal rentals available where she lives. Typically, this seasonal rental would expire in September. Coincidentally, September is the earliest that she can file legal paperwork given her current state residency status. So, September will represent a decision point on many fronts.
Re: the mortgage
I will be leaving this house in July. The June mtg payment is done. I can cover the full mortgage or I can cover 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 of our child's school tuition. It's a wash either way. One of us covers the full mortgage and the other covers all of the child's school stuff. 1/2 the mtg equates (more or less) to his school tuiton. The bottom line is I can't cover the mortgage and 1/2 of his stuff AND cover my own rent at my new duty station. Her rationale for me paying the full mtg was because I would be the only one living here but as of July there won't be anyone here so that rationale is gone. June mortgage is paid and the house will be empty in July and in July I have to secure my own rental arrangement (1 month's rent and 1 month's deposit). I already put enough money in the joint account by direct deposit to cover the full mortage anyway so it's really a moot point to me. I don't care how she slices it...
I'm going to take your advice and stay quiet for now. I'm going to just let things ride and see where she decides to take this over the next 30 days. Like I said, September could be the month we establish a joint residence or it could be the month she files paperwork. I am meeting with a lawyer to prepare for the latter and not committing myself to any long term lodging obligations in case the former comes to fruition.
