Hi angierenee, Oh, my heart goes out to you today. I know what those whirling thoughts feel like, it's awful... being so tired all you can think about is sleep but the moment you put your head down it's spinning.
I'm concerned about all the hurtful things you're feeling about yourself. Tell me, I don't know if the types of books I'm going to suggest would be quite your 'cup of tea', but they've really helped me with all that negative self-talk, and the feelings that go along with it. The bonus is that it not only is helping to raise my self esteem, but also in helping me regain some composure and assertiveness in discussions with my H. There are two I could suggest if you're interested, they are:
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, by Dr Nathaniel Branden (this is a classic - half the pages in mine are all wrinkly from highlighter)
Self Esteem - by Patrick Fanning & Matthew McKay (this has excellent discussions about the types of negative self-talk and the reasons why we engage in them - (very counter-intuitive, very interesting), handling the 'shoulds', the connection between compassion & learning to overcome resentment, and how to handle people when they're criticizing you.)
(If nothing else, I found having a book to read beside my bed helped to distract me at night when my brain was swirling, and helped relax me enough to go back to sleep.) Take care, thinking good thoughts for you for healing. PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
