I know my STBX once said "I've done everyting I could to save this M" and I was shocked! I replied "well, if bitching and complaining is doing everything than I guess you did"! Did she ever suggest M counselling or anything else? No. But in her head she had tried and I sure missed it. So she had lived in pain for years before I figured it out. Sad but that's life!
Very well said wii! My x said the same thing at one point, that he had tried for years to fix things. I felt the same way you did..."what?! how is constantly complaining and pointing out every one of my faults to me, and to anyone who would listen, working to fix your marriage?" I asked for several years to go to marriage counseling and was told I was the problem, I should go to counseling. :::sigh::: It took me a while to see that in his mind he had tried, and I was the reason our marriage failed. If I could have just done everything he wanted, when he wanted it and how he wanted it, our mariage might have lasted. Wow, there's a realistic view. LOL The reality is I withdrew because I felt helpless and he found someone he thought was going to be all the things I wasn't. Soyes, he had pain, which I thought was contempt, anger, even hatred at times....but he didn't take any productive steps to fix the pain.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
