I hear you- and I think that the yo-yo of feelings we're all going through includes bouncing from anger to regret to sadness, etc. Pity is in there somewhere, too. I don't think you need to "try" to feel anything right now. Whatever you're feeling is legitimate and I don't think anyone meant that it wasn't or anything like that. But eventually- and I'm sure you know this- the anger will only eat at and rob you, so at some point, you'll work through it or it will morph into something else like pitying her, that isn't (as) destructive to you and your life.
In therapy, the times when I was able to see through my anger and hurt and into H's hurt were very powerful- and confusing. How could I both feel like I was hurt AND I felt sorry for his hurt? They seemed almost directly opposed. But it did help me to have compassion for him, which at the time, left (I thought) some doors and possibilities open that I couldn't see before. Of course, you know my story afterwards. But for me it helped not be quite so angry (which only hurt me) to see him as flawed and human, and hurting, too. You don't have to try to feel anything- you will move through whatever feelings you need to on your own. You're in anger right now and I almost feel like it's a little good for you b/c of where you were before the anger. I don't think it's good to hold onto for too long, but I think you had to get a little mad to catapault you out of what you were feeling and thinking before- so you can make a break and see things a little more clearly.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
