Wow, Karen, you've been busy tonight.

Good stuff in these posts. Something Pam said really hit home and I think it is pretty on target for you as well.

Quote:

I do understand what you are saying about hating him because you love him. I really feel that a part of that is you are giving him the power of your happiness. Does that make sense to you? I know you probably read the awful IM's I sent David, they weren't because I don't love him, they were cries for him to help me. But he can't do that, I have to choose to do that for myself. But I would get so angry at him because I choose to give him the power of my happiness and then he didn't handle it the way I thought he should so I wasn't happy and I was angry all at the same time. I also felt very POWERLESS. It was not a good feeling or situation all around. I think we get into patterns of familiarity. This is the way you are most comfortable interacting so when you are stressed this is the pattern you go back too.




We have to take back the power to make ourselves happy and stop expecting our H to do it for us. My very wise sister told me that when you make yourself happy, taking responsibility for your own happiness, then being happy with H and loving him and being loved by him is the "gravy". So I guess that means we are the mashed potatoes and we have to get rid of the lumps!!

Okay, so your one goal is to keep your mouth shut. May not be easy, but is certainly doable. Just bite your tongue really hard if you have to. Maybe you can say a silent prayer when you'd rather say something to H out loud.

Remember that the tongue is sharper than the sword and you can never "erase" a spoken word, so choose them wisely.

Here's the prayer I have been praying lately. I started praying it because I want so badly for H to talk R talk, but I know that bringing anything like that up at this point would push him away. So, I pray, Lord, if the time is right for me to say something to H, then give me the right words to say; otherwise, please hold my tongue and keep my mouth shut so that I don't push him away.

I think my prayer for you would be, Lord, please help Karen to hold her tongue when she should be quiet and give her the right words to say when she does speak to her H. Let them be words that will only bring him closer to her and that are kind, loving, and caring.

I'll check on you tomorrow, oh wait, it is tomorrow EST! Well, I'll check on you later today!

Loved One