SCH he doesn't make any sense and I'm sure that you have made yourself clear. He is just not willing to compromise on anything. It's still his way or the highway and he twists it the way so it's your fault...he tried.
Here you have one of the few MLCs that actually is not in an affair and wants to reconcile, yet he is still so confused that he is going about it all the wrong way.
And I feel for both of you and I want so much for it to work.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Look at Mila’s signature line (sorry for picking on you Mila), there are many others on the boards that look like hers. In, Out, In, Out…
Just plain and simple obvious confusion.
Why can’t you see it in your own situation? Your H is doing the same thing, I want to live here, I want to live there, I want to be with you, but I don’t want to live with you…
He is making this look like you are the crazy impossible uncompromising one so that He doesn’t have to hold onto any responsibility for his actions. Especially if you do D. He doesn’t want anyone to know or think that this is his doing.
As long as you allow him to keep you spinning like this, you will keep spinning.
IF your H did not exist, where would YOU choose to live?
Get off of the crazy train. Set that as your next boundary. You don’t have to keep having these discussions with him and feeling like you are responsible for his feelings. I don’t care where your H lives, I don’t care where he wants to live…
I care what YOU want, what is the best thing for Second Chance and her kids…
Maybe it is time you started realizing and caring about the same thing. IF you H ever really becomes ready to rejoin the party, you will know that he is ready and until then…
Let him have these thoughts and let him go in circles and stand by on the side lines and just watch.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
DG - I would live anywhere to have us all together again, but there is not one place on earth where he will do that, he has an excuse for everywhere!!! Well, he'd move back in here temporarily, but that's just a legal manouever. He'd have to pick somewhere we went jointly in together, and he won't do that.
SA - Thanks for the insights. I think you are right that he probably wouldn't have thought - and certainly wouldn't have voiced - many of these things pre-MLC. But he can't stop doing so now, there's like no filter on it at all!!
Mila, Thanks as always, so true. The thing about being a single Mom really irks me. When I say to him how tough it is to work full-time and raise the kids on my own (which is what he has me doing), he says FINE, he will take the kids no problem. It's never about US raising the kids. US?!! It's that I should realize how lucky I am to have them - or give them to him. He tells the kids I should not complain because he would take them. It's always him OR me, and it's hateful and hurtful.
Cat04, yes I know! I agree! The thing is it's like a game to him. It's infuriating. By not agreeing to go forward together, I must in the best intersts of myself and the children stay where I am now. I have a good job and the kids are settled. But then he see's that I have to stay here if he doesn't help me, if we don't go forward together, and then he says since I am here why can't he hang around and date me etc.
Snodderly, I love how you summarize things. But I can't stop asking why, why, why?! I have no conflict really with him, my life, my children, and he just keeps going at me! He's so angry and vindictive and I just don't understand it. I guess that's what we all feel here, though, the confusion?
Once you have stepped outside the ring and can truly detach and see things clearly, most of your confusion should clear up. It's the constant ups and downs w/the mlcer that throw you for a loop.
The anger, etc., will continue for a while. Let him fume!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, A company in France bought out the company WH works for. He was hoping a company only a few thousand miles away in North America was going to buy it out. These things explain much of the erratic behaviour around WH's idea's of where we should live... except that he never explained that THIS is what was going on. Why does he not just come out and say what is/was happening?
SCH - You last post explains few things that were puzzling, doesn't it. Good communication in MLC is probably not realistic...was he a good communicator in the past?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Well, WH emailed today to say he really needed "to talk." I called back this PM, and all he had to say was that he couldn't make his visit with the kids this week, and had to reschedule. Apparently his non-existant job and freedom-from-everything-lifestyle have suddenly scheduled to go out of town. So now I have to reschedule my plans, which were to take my employees out for a celebration dinner, because he can't make it for his very infrequent visit with the kids.
He called back to say he rescheduled with his corporate clients, so he's a great guy, right? Yeah, right, corporate clients in their offices at 11:00 PM at night. Lies lies lies lies lies.
