Well I'm at a loss for words for other db'er's. Some of you are doing well, and some sitches I just, gosh, am out of my league on!
So, I'll just journal. Feel like listening? I re-read my summary from this thread. I was really making progress with H!
++ H has been working on one of his cars every day since Sat. for me to drive so I can sell my truck and not have a car payment. He's putting more $ into it. (& exhausting himself)
I obviously have a co-dependency issue. (Do we use that phrase in here?). I have separation anxiety. (How about that one?) I am afraid to do "my own thing." I feel like I arrange my schedule around his so I can be with him. Then when he doesn't feel like doing much b/c he's been running around w/his friends, I get resentful. I'm not doing enough fun stuff w/my friends. Hell, I don't have enough friends.
I don't know where to get friends. I have some that are married and have kids. It's hard to do stuff with them b/c they need 3 weeks' notice and they have to be home by 9. Sorry moms, I'm just pokin' fun. I have other interests that H isn't really interested in. And ya' know, if I start doing some of this other stuff, maybe he'll start thinking, "what if she meets some other guys that like to do x or y that she likes to do?"
H is reluctant to go to nightclubs with me b/c I have caused scenes in the past. Ok, it's been FOREVER ago! Then I ASSume that he is going to be too tired to have sex on the weekdays that he is with me b/c he only got 5 hours of sleep the night before from going out, so then I get pissed about that. I just can't f'in win.
If I come on to him too strongly or try to flirt with him by suggesting that we have sex later, he feels pressured and like I'm trying to control him. I am supposed to "know" that it will happen and to let it happen naturally. Well, WHEN?? I want to know WHEN!!! And I don't want to wait until the weekend!!
That week that he spent all that time away he wanted to a lot, and I was also db'ing really well. I was acting as if, doing my own thing, confident, etc. What did I do that week? I should go back to look at my posts. Anyone a speed reader? So, do I spend time with him and get less sex, or spend less time with him and get more? HA ha!
I think that I overwhelmed myself with that list that I made yesterday, as great as it was. All I have been saying in my head to myself for the past several days is "I can't do this. I just can't do this." So I thought maybe it would help if I just made little goals and work from there. Like tonight, when H comes home (I always wake up and we kiss hello) I will be happy to see him and not act suspicious of his whereabouts and doings. I haven't been too clingy, but I'm going to go back to if he isn't reciprocating the snuggle, to back off physically. There. I think I can do this. And pray. I forget to pray...
OC I want to work on the list. Tomorrow I'll have to figure out what I CAN do for the evening. This should be my list: #1 KEEP MOUTH SHUT
Sorry moms, I'm just pokin' fun. I have other interests that H isn't really interested in. And ya' know, if I start doing some of this other stuff, maybe he'll start thinking, "what if she meets some other guys that like to do x or y that she likes to do?" 
a lot, and I was also db'ing really well. I was acting as if, doing my own thing, confident, etc. What did I do that week? I should go back to look at my posts. Anyone a speed reader? So, do I spend time with him and get less sex, or spend less time with him and get more? HA ha! 
All I have been saying in my head to myself for the past several days is "I can't do this. I just can't do this." So I thought maybe it would help if I just made little goals and work from there. Like tonight, when H comes home (I always wake up and we kiss hello) I will be happy to see him and not act suspicious of his whereabouts and doings. I haven't been too clingy, but I'm going to go back to if he isn't reciprocating the snuggle, to back off physically. There. I think I can do this. And pray. I forget to pray...
