Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but what I'm seeing is "she needs to change". She does. But, if she wasn't having an affair and he was just a friend/colleague, then you were very bad to her.
Believe me, I have run this through my mind until it drove me crazy. If I am wrong about this, the sole blame of this M falling apart is on me. Yes, I have my faults. No, I am not completely innocent. The fact remains that she has been with him on several occasions after finding some excuse for me not to be with her. The poker run, her sister's b'day and my daughters field trip at school. The field trip bothers me the most. I had taken the day off of work and had it all planned out. No, nothing physical would have happened that day, but the emotional bond was deepened. She told me while they were driving to and from the trip that they talked about his D and his W holding things up because of an affair or affairs that he had. He just needed to vent to someone who would not be judgmental. Come on.
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IDU, the other thing is that your old wife should NOT return. You and her wouldn't be having problems like you did/are if she and you were different. You both need to pull up your socks and build a new, stronger relationship. If either of you chooses not to or you do not like the results of the new relationship, then you leave.
