AAAgh!! I lost my post in response to Pam!! It was long and good!

I'll start from the beginning. Yes, I have a computer at home. I go to the library to get away and h doesn't know that I post on the bb as far as I know. (Not that I think he would really care, just think that I was weird )
How do you IM? from yahoo?

I don't know how to make myself happy. There are some things that I would like to do that I don't think that h would like to do but i don't do them b/c i want to be with him. He wouldn't stop me from doing the things I want to do though. It's my own darn fault... I know what you mean about feeling powerless, and giving him the power. I keep forgetting that. And, I guess I do need people to keep reminding me b/c people DO keep reminding me.

Pam, I did read your IM's to David, and it really reminded me of myself b/c I could see how desperately you wanted to know that D cares about you. I feel that way-I feel like kicking, screaming, punching, yelling, hurting, leaving, threatening, fighting, having a temper tantrum, crying, whatever, just to get the guy to say that he cares about me. But you know what, I still wouldn't believe him. He's right. I just don't listen to him. No matter what he does, I just don't believe him. It's just never ENOUGH. I am a bottomless pit according to Dr. Phil.

I do have "feeling good" somewhere...

I've only dabbled a little with meditating. I have a very hard time emptying my mind!! it would be nice...

I am back on my AD's. No matter what I take, I still have bad spells. the prob is me, i know.

Quote:

Anyway what I have found for me is when I get upset to really, really look at why I am upset and usually there is a deeper thought connected to it, if you find that as well and try addressing it, I have found it very helpful.



Can you give me some examples? What have you come up with as being the real prob?

You don't sound pompous; I appreciate your feedback. I hate having to rewrite posts, I just don't feel as eloquent/insightful/funny as the first time!! (I guess it's not a writing competition though )

karen