The former spouse was adamant about not signing the contract/papers completing the approval for the loan modification on the mortgage. He called and said he didn't want to sign anything for a house that was no longer his. He was adamant. "But you say you want your name off the mortgage. This will make getting your name off the mortgage easier and faster." Nope.
He said he didn't want to be a jerk and repeated it a few times. "I just want to get on with my own life." With an exasperated sigh I said I did not want him on the mortgage either. He kept saying no, I kept explaining. With his final no, I asked him if he would talk to someone in the modification group. He agreed.. one name, one number.. which with a bureaucracy is difficult. I found a person, giving the former spouse the information.
The former spouse called back, summarized his phone call and added that in the legal papers it stated that I did not need his signature if we were divorced. "You really should read over contracts, Kathleen." in a non threatening voice.
Anyway.. it's a long winded way of saying it's tough when a former spouse is helpful.
While on the flight to Florida, a woman came up and gave me the biggest most beautiful hug, asking me if I knew who she was. She'd lost an incredible amount of weight. She and her husband always came to the corporate parties at our house. We'd had an instant connection. I adore her.
Later we met for lunch and spoke about the divorce. Of course I felt like I was taking the high road but kept up a constant stream of how mean and what a brat the former spouse has been. Her husband had worked closely with mine for several years. When her husband went in to say his farewells upon his recent retirement, he told me the former spouse had tears in his eyes, speaking from the heart of how much this man had meant to him.
His wife said, "Kathleen.. he will always have a special place in his heart for you for all the years, the children you had together." I didn't believe it. I mean he's gotten so nasty. His husband recounted how horrible the former spouse looked during the summer of the divorce proceedings, like he'd never seen him before.
Anyway.. it was odd to realize that he had had trouble disconnecting from our relationship, that his antagonism and anger was probably a way of detaching. And it kept swirling in my mind all yesterday, a sleepless night and morning, that the person I was dealing with yesterday was more like the man I remembered.
It's tough feeling silenced and forgotten strings twanged, a poignancy rising. But I figure maybe this is the beginning of being able to work things through on a non adversarial level. That there's enough distance what was doesn't matter.
Perhaps talking directly will work better than email and avoidance to get things done.
Anyway.. figured posting this would help let go of the past.
