I think that's the key, Geronimo. We often live with the false belief that our WAS's are not effected by this and all we see is our pain and our kids pain. Not so, we forget that our spouses lived with the pain of marriages they didn't want probably for years. They most likely tortured themselves about how they'd get thorugh it and ended up making bad choices. They in no way lived a painfree existence and many of us were probably oblivious to their pain. It doesn't excuse tearing a family apart but it does help to put yourself in their shoes once in a while. I know my STBX once said "I've done everyting I could to save this M" and I was shocked! I replied "well, if bitching and complaining is doing everything than I guess you did"! Did she ever suggest M counselling or anything else? No. But in her head she had tried and I sure missed it. So she had lived in pain for years before I figured it out. Sad but that's life!
