Got an email from my lawyer yesterday, they wanted to tell me that I owe for my part of the mediation which is almost 600 bucks. She also mentioned talking to the other side about the 401k, IRA and pension values. Almost four months since I signed my house away and they still don't know the value of these?? So I wrote back,
"Lawyer,
I will not sign any agreement until the 401k, IRA and pension are taken care of. Thank you. I f you have any questions for me let me know."
Lets get this over with people! Meanwhile my wife is still pretty much totally checked out but has shown some signs of "thinking about the good times."
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Haven't been on here much because my sitch continues to show improvement and I am taking the steps I had mentioned before on the job front. Did want to check in on you though.
I know you had indicated that the increase in your income was going to take some time, but just wanted to see if you were continuing to take steps to get to where you need to be?
I've not been on here for a while. In my sitch, we will soon start MC. I have interviews starting soon also. We still talk about the same amount, 2-3x per week. For the most part, I'm being patient and trying to do the things she needs me to do. Finding new job is very important, so I've been concentrating on that.
My sitch is coming to a close this week it looks like but things have been showing some improvement between stbxw and I. Please stop by my thread in "Surviving the big D" catch up on my sitch. I need some feedback, thanks!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
V1, reframe those thoughts and think of it as signing your declaration of independence.
You choose your thoughts and the way you want to think.
You have been divorced for months now... all you're doing is closing off a formality. Remember... your W wants to be BFF's with you. All her efforts the past week has been to "show" you that the two of you can work as that.
As for your guilt about your GF... that's to be expected... you rushed into a new R without experimenting and taking it easy. You're supposed to go out and enjoy your life as a single, uncommitted man... not get attached to the first woman that comes along. That's a recipe for disaster and they call it a "rebound" relationship.
Get that PMA up. Move on with your life. That piece of paper takes care of your financial problems... sign it and get your stuff. IF your W wants more ... she will pursue you. You don't have to lift a finger.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Gnosis, Beleive it or not my PMA is actually very good, I am just still hung up on my wife. You are right about us being divorced for months now. It has been a year really that we have been divorced, in the mind.
One thing that I ALWAYS think about as it relates to my DB'ing is that we were both always very bad at communication in our marriage. It is a 180 for me to speak up to her and tell her that I still care and that I want a stronger marriage and a whole family, etc., etc. I have always had to be the pursuer in our relationship. Will she ever pursue me? Even if she wanted another chance? I know her pretty well and I think that her pride would stop her from talking to me about reconciling.
Well, I am still going to sign today and live my life afterwards. Going to take a beginning motorcycle course soon and that should be a blast!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I agree with Gnosis completely. Motorcycle class sounds awesome. I've ridden since I was 13. Have fun, and be safe.
I posted here in my threads about how I thought my W would never suck up her pride and ask for me back, but she did. She didn't do it with quite the "groveling" attitude I would have liked, ha, but she did it, and it's been all positive since.
Having children with someone is such a powerful bond, and it doesn't go away. I've seen that this whole DBing effort is really an effort to diminish the WAS's confidence in their decisions. It's a two pronged approach, one to make yourself a better, more interesting person, and two, to let them feel your loss. As long as they have that gut feel that they could come back whenever they want to, they have NO real reason to take that scary leap back toward you. Remember, the leap away from you was very scary to them too, and they won't take the return trip until they feel they have no other choice.
As time goes by, as they live their life, as their fantasy about whatever OP is in the picture starts to fade and die, and as they see you moving on without them, they will feel that pull. The more completely and convincingly you do your part, the stronger that pull will be. If deep down they are still bonded to you, because of history, because of kids, because of their belief in marriage, that pull may eventually convince them to make that jump back.
When I was a kid we had a cat. She was a grumpy old thing, loved to go outside, but only when the weather was nice. I'd open the door for her in the morning, and she'd stand there in the doorway feeling the air, trying to decide if the freedom was worth whatever cold, or rain, or wind she felt. She sit and sit, taking her sweet time. We learned that if you slowly started to close the door, little by little, she'd see it closing, and at the last second make that bolt to the outside. Nine out of ten times she'd opt to go outside rather than be cooped up inside. Lesson is, not until she knew her time was almost up would she force herself to take that gamble. There's a reason women are considered the "feline" gender!
