Continual self flagellation and/or laying blame keeps the past firmly anchored. Aspirations inspire forward movement. It's all a choice in what to keep, what to release.
You messed up. So did she. You changed. So did she. It broke. It wasn't fixed. It ended.
Continually wondering why, where, how, what if is like unendingly flushing a nasty clogged toilet with plunger in hand. The choice.. let the filth overflow or just plunge the literal crap out of it until that gurgle of total disposal is heard.
As far as the divorce goes, just get it over with. Some folks say to threaten the worst possible outcome forcing the other party to settle out of fear. Others suggest offering a good settlement and getting the hell out of Dodge. The one thing I do know is that folks with pissed off egos piss away a lifetime's worth of savings.. and then some.
No one wants to go to trial. And I don't know all the crap she's throwing at you, though I do remember her going after your guns and things she never cared about. Stuff is stuff. The longer this goes on the longer it screws everyone up.
*hugs*
Along with texting your love to the kids.. consider sending funny lines, or a picture of some place neat that reminded you of them. Light, fun.. like a poke, jab, wink, smile of being with them.. only with websites, jokes and photos. It's the thought that counts in those actions.. but make it short! And laughter eases tension, relaxes the soul.
