Sorry you are having a rough time of things right now.
I am pasting a post here that Zoo made to me and has really helped me. I have it in my WP and when I get upset I read it again and again. Just to remind me this is normal and what do I really want in my life. Maybe it will help you a little bit also.
Sending you wishes for a good day!
I can understand too well the emotional rollercoaster you are riding right now...one minute you are so angry that you just want to sign everything, pack all the crap up and move on...the next minute you just want to fall to your knees and keen your grief to the four corners of the world while you set drowning in a pool of tears...then you realize that getting angry and crying is SO RIDICULOUS so you throw back your shoulders and say I WILL STICK TO THIS DB"ING CRAP IF IT"S THE LAST THING I DO!!! It is all up and down like that...minute to minute and hour to hour and it sux.
The last db'ing thing is good...that is resolve working at it's finest The other two things are defeatist and serve no purpose except to make you miserable. YOU are the maker of your dreams, YOU are the controller of your future, YOU are the epicenter of your own life.
You're still not getting it. You ask us what you should do, you look to D for what you should do. The only thing WE can do is GUIDE you with suggestions and support. D can do nothing at all right now. YOU have to do it ALL. You have to wade through that Gordian knot of emotional junk that is inside you and get to the center of it and ask yourself...WHAT DO I WANT? We know you want the pain to go away, you want D to stop the d, to come to see you, talk to you etc but those are petty wants. I ask again...WHAT DOES PAM WANT? What if you weren't hurting right now and confused and angry and D came over and you had a nice convo? WHAT WOULD YOU WANT THEN??
That is what YOU have to figure out. The ONE thing that you want more then anything else. THEN keep it simple. Set 1-3 goals each day that you believe with all your heart will move you at least one inch toward that goal.
The questions you have asked today you have asked a dozen times, the suggestions are already here . I realize that you might not like those suggestions but they are honestly the only ones we can knowingly tell you that work. You do so well for a little while and then you go running after the quick fix again...there isn't one (I know, I've said that a dozen times before ).
If you want it BAD enough you can do it hon Do you want it bad enough?
LOTSA HUGZ Zoo
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
