Talia's New Home

[talia]

Thanks guys!!! I know I shouldn't be surprised.... and a big part of me really isn't any more... doesn't mean it doesn't hurt terribly all the same. I have stopped trying to rationalize it - honestly! I'm flabbergasted that ANYONE would treat any one else the way he is... naeive on my part!

The stress of my aunt's death had put me over the top in dealing with H. Good news is I am still handling things very well in general - kudos to my IC!!!! I have coping skills!!!!

Funeral is Sun so I'll get to spend some time with family then its on to ending this situation and freeing myself of this horrible person.

I'm confident that I'm in the right with everything I'm doing. He can spout off all he wants - what I'm doing is fair to both of us.

On the upside work is hiring so more people so at least I might get a little reprieve next week!!!

Off to see the rest of you!!

T

[talia]

Update...

Work is getting worse - I can't believe what they expect from their staff. Its not legal and it certainly not right! Its killing my GAL. I haven't had time to work out since I started - which is BAD! I'm still looking for something else but until then...

H is holding my loan MOD hostage unless I agree to his terms. I have told him I won't talk to him about anything till he signs it. We will see where that goes.....UGH.

Venting.....
He has the balls to tell me that we shoudln't be enemies - we have too much history not to get along. We don't have to be friends but we have alot in common so there's no reason we can't get along despite our differences..... PUKE. HISTORY... REALLY... we didn't have enough history for him not the have an affair, walk out on the marriage or even TRY one ounce of work to save the marraige... but we have enough history to get along.... WTF IS THAT??? I freaked out - was sobbing in tears. Where does he get off being that way?? I can't stand the crazy world he lives in - we have so much history we should at least salvage civility. He's an F*ing moron.......

End Rant.....

On the better side - I've had several very good dates and that has been fun. I'm truly ready to be with someone else - REALLY looking forward to it. Just need to get this pesky divorce out of the way.

Plan:
Get H to sign the papers by letting him think I'll do what he wants.
As soon as papers are signed/processed serve him with D papers that I am currently having prepared.
See him in mediation.....

I'm SO ok with this plan!

T

[avermont]

Oh, Tal, what a mess to deal with!

What a load of BS--we should be friends. Yeah, OK. Like after you stop scre**ing me on the MOD.

You are doing just great. Moving along. Dates. Venting here. Plan to sign papers/get what you need.

I'm sorry work gets in the way of GAL--anyway to combine them? any possible fun friends (friends!--really, that's what I mean!) there?

Please do tell us dating doofuses (speaking only for myself) how did you get your fab dates? what did you suggest for activities?

You're on your way!

[Gardener]

Venting.....
He has the balls to tell me that we shoudln't be enemies - we have too much history not to get along. We don't have to be friends but we have alot in common so there's no reason we can't get along despite our differences..... PUKE. HISTORY... REALLY... we didn't have enough history for him not the have an affair, walk out on the marriage or even TRY one ounce of work to save the marraige... but we have enough history to get along.... WTF IS THAT??? I freaked out - was sobbing in tears. Where does he get off being that way?? I can't stand the crazy world he lives in - we have so much history we should at least salvage civility. He's an F*ing moron.......

I hear ya.I went through such friggin' nonsense about 6 weeks after divorce and I was just waiting for the opening when it finally arrived.
From my posting that day:

I arrived to find her sitting at a table twittering and texting away. She looked up:

X: Hi, Gardener!
G: Hi, what's up?
X: Nothing, really.
G: (sitting down) I'm not sure I understand.
X: Well, since you had said once in the Mediator's office that you wanted to still be friends, I thought it would be nice to...start.
G: (Pause) I think you misunderstood. You had used the word "civil" and I said I hated that word but I would always act friendly and polite. ACT friendly.
X: Surprised. Silence.
G: X, you ended our friendship. The way I view it, if any friend - (citing three of mine:) friend 1, friend 2, or friend 3 - any friend demonstrated to me - proved to me - that their word, their promise, their commitment, let alone vow, was meaningless, worthless, I would consider that friend to have ended our friendship at that point. You ended our friendship many times in many ways throughout this. You've made it clear that you are no longer my friend and I don't want to be yours.
X: Well, um, I guess I certainly misunderstood that.(coversation @ mediator's)
G: I'll act friendly and polite if we find ourselves at a family function or something. Friendly and respectful.
X:(some kind of mumbled comment which felt like a "how big of you" sarcasm.) I ignored it, smiling.
G: X, friends don't do the things you've done.
X: Alright. I'm going to leave! I didn't come here to get beaten up.
G: I'm not beating you up, just answering your question. I'm done.Goodbye.

On the better side - I've had several very good dates and that has been fun. I'm truly ready to be with someone else - REALLY looking forward to it. Just need to get this pesky divorce out of the way.
Plan:
Get H to sign the papers by letting him think I'll do what he wants.
As soon as papers are signed/processed serve him with D papers that I am currently having prepared.
See him in mediation.....

I'm SO ok with this plan!

Good plan.
Although, for me, dating is going to be quite a way off in the future. Just my preference for my healing and comfort.

[pearlharbr]

Tal, I only have a minute. I totally get it re: being friends after D. I gave BF a similar speech to Gardener's (but not as nice).

However, I wonder if in your sitch it may be better to take a slightly different approach. Just read a recent post by Gucci suggesting to agree to be friends because the M isn't going to work. You agree to everything WAS says then treat him as a casual friend who you don't have time for. Can't remember which thread but worth a search.

Sending hugs. Will be home Sunday & have more time then.

[talia]

OK.. Back for a min just to say... I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!! No more crazy schedules!! I start on Monday but I have to work crazy hours through until then to get everything ready for me to leave.... More updates next week!!!

I swear I will visit you all then....


HUGS

T

[rockedworld]

So glad to hear that Talia! I was wondering how you are doing. Congrats on the new job!!

[talia]

Hi Everyone! I'm finally back. My work/life balance has been restored! Here is the update....

Been at the new job almost 3 weeks- I LOVE it! I'm settled in and getting to know all the great people I work with. Its been the best move I could have made given my situation and I couldn't be happier

FINALLY I'm back to GAL... Which I very much missed. I'm taking a pilates class and back to regular meet up group events again. I can't wait until I can get back into my dance classes - I have to wait until the June round before that will happen. The pilates class has been good - something I never thought I would do! I'm back to running as well, and while I won't be ready for the original 5K I planned to do at the end of May, I will be finding another one to get training for here shortly... Its done wonders for my stress levels!!

The estate situation for my friend who passed away 1.5 yrs ago resolved yesterday!!! I can finally put that terrible thing behind me and get on with remembering her for all the wonderful times we shared and not thinking of all the terrible fighting going on since she died...

Still waiting for approval on my loan modification…. STUPID BANKS….. its been in “final approval” for 8 weeks…. This is holding up the D stuff because I am trying to placate H until I get him to sign the docs….

NO change to the D situation. I’ve told H that I’m not doing ANYTHING until the MOD is signed and I’m sticking to it. He finally stopped throwing temper tantrum and is just leaving me alone. I’m letting OUR bank line of credit cover my “half” the joint bills until I have a signed MOD… I’m putting min pmts on that in the meantime. That’s been working really well and I keeps him from getting what he really wants from me… more $!

I can’t wait until the D stuff is over and I can move on physically. I’ve met several really great guys with the online dating (plentyoffish.com) thing…. It’s been fun. I’ve been on some pretty bad dates too!!! I forgot how stressful dating can be… but I think I’m starting to really get past the whole… “My life is over” thing that comes with D. I’m starting to look forward to letting myself have that new “in love” feeling that comes with a new relationship!

OH! Spy… if you remember his wife left him a month after my H left… His D was final last Monday. That was the first time he’s contacted me since I stopped returning his calls in March…. I didn’t return that call either. Its too bad that things have to be this way… for both of us…

OK.. I think that’s it for now. I’ll be back now. I’m going to spend some time catching up on everyone….

Its great to be back - I’ve Missed you all!
HUGS!

T

[talia]

Well another update...

Got served with D papers today.. FINALLY... I have to say I'm much more sad than I thought I would but ... but at the same time I don't fell the way I thought I would... Its weird...

I just can't help but keep thinking how stupid this all is and how bittersweet it is... I SOOOOO don't want this... but I don't want to be married to him anymore either... It seems killing the good memories is the really hard part of divorce.....

I can't believe this is actually happening... it all still seems so surreal. I know its been goin g on for 9 months but I still can't get over it. I just wish it were different.

The even more weird part is I'm really starting to feel like moving on - I can see myself with other people and I'm excited about that option - but I still wish I could have the comfort of my marriage.

I am definitely feeling very alone today...

[any chance?]

Hi Talia:
Hang in there. I am in very much your same situation, and I will be getting D papers next week. Not looking forward to it, because it is also something the I do NOT want. But I am beginning to feel that W is lost to me for good. I cannot hold her here if she does not want to be here. It is very sad, but it is also reality, I fear.

Just wanted to tell you that the light will shine brightly once again for you. Have faith in yourself, and look forward to better times ahead.