Okay, I'm certainly not the big expert here, heck, I'm not even the little expert, but I'll try. You seem to have started looking to H to make you happy again instead of being responsible for your own happiness. You know that the more you continue in your present behavior the further away it is going to move you from where you were. You *know* what works. You have got to stop the destructive behavior and get back to where you were, even if it takes everything you have to act "as if". You can do it, you've done it before and look how great it worked.
Why are you so pissed with him? What has he done? Or is it what he isn't doing? From what you've written, that is the problem. He's not doing what you feel like you need or saying what you want to hear, but can you really control that? What you are doing is only making him more determined to not do those things. You can not control him, but you can push him away. Stop worrying about him and work on you.
Quote: So, why am I continuing to flip out and cause trouble? I feel like I am literally TRYING to push him away and thinking that life would be easier without him. I feel guilty for feeling this way. And I know deep down that that is not really what I want and that I do love him and that I know our R can work. We saw it 2 weekends ago, remember?
Yes, we did see it 2 weekends ago and if you can do it once, you can do it again. Would life be easier without him? Maybe there would be initial relief, but then you'd realize what you'd done and wonder what in the world you were thinking?? You love him and he loves you.
You know you can do this. You are strong enough to get back to where you were. It's not easy, but nothing really worth doing or having ever is. Climbing a mountain isn't easy, but what an accomplishment when you get to the top.
Start climbing, woman!! You can do it.
Oh, and the anniversay thing, my personal opinion is to give him a card and maybe a small gift like his favorite cookies or candy bar and let it go. If he plans to go out with friends on Wed night, maybe you can make special plans for Tues or Thurs and not point out the anniversary thing to him, just spend some special time together.
You can do this, you can do this, you can do this...
