Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

I've been spending a lot of time today reading the resources and keeping up with new posters and "tenured" posters - looking at their original situations. The sadness is overwhelming for me - I had no idea how pervasive MLC really is. I am trying to envision my life as a single - and it is devastating for me! All I've ever wanted to "be" was a great wife and mother! And to think that the wife part is now going to be taken - I can't breathe! I know that I am blessed to have the external pieces in place (job, friend, family, etc.) - but to lose my H is like losing a part of myself! I am on day 48 since the "bomb" was dropped - since then no affection / H sleeps on couch sometimes or sleeps in bed with own bed linens??? so that there is no physical contact! He is in his office 10-12 hours a day (yes even on weekends). "Trying to make himself happy" - but of course he would often use the office as a place to engage in the phone sex chat lines! He says he is not engaging in this - but who really knows?
I do not mention R at all / I figure he wants it he needs to take control of it. There is a part of me that wonders if his remorse is so overwhelming that breaking away is the only way to rid himself of the guilt. Like being with me is constant "re-traumatizing" or reminders of his immoral choices.
As you can tell - I am overwhelmed! I see an IC weekly - but I'm not doing enough work on detachment.
No responses needed - just venting!