Cause for alarm?

[OfficerInNeed]

I think you need to refrain from helping her at all and simply validate her when she CHOOSES to communicate you with words and not noises.

Like when she was on the sofa moaning about her stomach and she told you she had a stomach ache... all you should have said was "sorry to hear that" or "sounds painful" or something like that. Instead you wanted to fix things by making sure she took medicine. Again, she is a grown up and if she does not feel well she knows to take meds or see a dr. Her moaning was then rewarded by you running another errand for her (getting her phone and getting her a blanket).

I think you need to try a variety of approaches but stay firm with the notion of NO MORE SOUNDS OR TALKING TO YOU THROUGH THE DOG and if she does that you will not respond or do things for her. You will not be ugly or snide about it but you simply will not engage with her unless she decides to speak to you directly and with words. IMO unless this changes you will go bonkers as it is so terribly unhealthy to live in an environment like that.

When is the last time your W had a physical and blood work? She doesn't sound well at all. She is in bed or resting way too much and it seems like there is always something wrong with her. Either she is not healthy or her anger/resentment/depression is manifesting in a physical way I think. I take it neither you or your W are not elderly so I am very confused as to why she is ALWAYS laying down.

I think you need to at least try and set an example that laying around and watching tv all the time is not a good quality of life no matter what the status of your marriage is. If the show ya'll wanted to watch was not on why not cheerfully say "I think I will take a walk or bike ride, care to join me?" If she says no then fine, let her lay around and moan but at least you will be out aiming for something more than watching her behave this way.

From what you have posted it seems like you like to go out and do things... you mentioned movies, baseball games, concerts and so on. If your W doesn't want to go don't cajole her into going. Ask once and if she declines just go on your merry way. You need more enjoyment in your life and you won't find it watching your W lay around the house all the time.

She doesn't like her job (stressful as you said), no longer enjoys going to work because of the OM situation and clearly cannot tolerate being at home. If you don't remove yourself in some way, even if just for a little while, something is going to blow.

Have you ever considered seeing an IC? I think you are aware tools exist for this type of situation and I think you want to use them but it sort of seems you just don't know how to (yet).

Honestly just reading about the way your W communicates with noise and through the dog is stressful to me. I can't imagine having to live with it.

I do the things she asks because in the past I would not. This is a 180 for me. Also if I do not care for my W when she is ill then she will find someone who will.

Yes, W does have health issues. Allergies, herniated disc in her back. pinched nerve in the neck, knee problems and a host of other little things. She is depressed (refuses to see therapist). She works from 4am-12pm, she cannot handle the schedule.

I on the other hand, I am very active. I job requires for it. I work out 3-4 times per week. I play semi-professional football.

Actually we go out and do things, often. Not as often as we use to. (BTW when I said ball game I meant football, I hate baseball)